THE QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION'S SPEECH
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.
Hold on. I'm not... ready.
Okay, I suppose I'm ready. I've been putting this speech off long enough. It's time to do this thing.
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears...
I have an announcement to make: I am the Queen of Procrastination! I have known since 1988. I am sorry I have not told you sooner. I meant to.
Look, a lot of people get really freaked out when I say things like "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Or "SEND HER TO THE DUNGEON!" In reality, I never actually get around to having these things done. So you can sleep easier tonight.
I've been meaning to call my mom. It's been almost a year. Mom, if you can hear me, I'll call you tomorrow. Or I won't. I probably won't.
Some people say to me, "Those burglars aren't just going to hang themselves!" But here's the crazy thing: if you make them wait long enough, a lot of them actually do hang themselves!
I had a lot more to say, but I think I'll wait until next year.
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN! THE QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION!