Thursday, October 28, 2010

Ode to a Football Widow

Ode to a Football Widow

All week long I spend at work. 
Saturday comes and I'm a total jerk. 

"Watch the kids for a few hours." I say.
"I'm going to watch my Utah Utes play!"

A "few hours" turns into six or eight.
Count travel time, tailgating and the bathroom line to wait.

My wife sits home while the kids run a muck.
I sit in Section E32 yelling, "The Cougars Suck!"

When I get home, the wife's understandably annoyed.
The younger kid puked and the older one started steroids.

I tell her excitedly, "THE UTES WON!  IT WAS PURE BLISS."
She replies with a smirk, "That's great.  These lips... DO NOT EXPECT TO KISS!"

I've already tuned her out - the post game is on.
The ire I feel from her turns into a yawn. 

My wife, the football widow and driver of the minivan
Says, "Sit your butt on that couch, we're watching The Back-Up Plan!"

So on the couch I sit, a Jennifer Lopez behind on our screen.
But I could care less, I'm thinking 3rd and eighteen.

My mind wonders and dwells on the games greatest plays.
I rub my wife's feet, hoping she forgets the error of my ways.

By Monday night, I'm out of the doghouse.
I've tried to be kind the world's greatest spouse.

When Saturday rolls around again. 
I start to think about another Utah win!

And then I return to my evil ways.
My wife's a saint. I'm surprised she stays.

GO UTES! 7-0!   #8 in the land!

41 comments:

Oilfield Trash said...

Awesome post. I feel exactly the same way as I am a football junkie.

The Church Lady said...

Go Ravens! hee hee. Nice poem. After football season, I think you should have a nice date night with your understanding and forgiving wife!

Copyboy said...

I'd say my wife is a sunday widow. My school was division 3. Go Bills 'n Giants!

Kristen said...

It's good then that you don't live in a town
that has the Indians, Cavs and a team in Orange and Brown.

Saimi said...

Hahaha!! Awesome post!!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

This? is why I am so thankful my husband doesn't watch sports!!!

Tammy said...

My favorite lines . . .
My wife sits home while the kids run a muck.
I sit in Section E32 yelling, "The Cougars Suck!"

Nancy C said...

AND you run marathons? She's a training widow too! I feel that pain all too well...although I'm glad he runs.

Tom said...

Nice poem. You must have a great wife. I used to tell my wife I was going to watch a foot ball game for a couple hours and she'd always call me on it "You mean 4+ hours?"

I'm afraid your woes don't compare to mine because I'm a cougar fan. Or at least was. Enjoy a great Ute year!

Melinda said...

Yeah, I'm a football widow too. I feel a lot of resentment toward you right now...:)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Go Saints!! You're lucky to have her. She's lucky too, during other times of the year.
xoRobyn

Eva Gallant said...

So am I! lol

Pat Tillett said...

I'll bet she's happy when football season is over.
What do you think of Utah moving to the Pac 12?

UnicycleRose said...

I am surprised she stays too! Just kidding. Go UTES!

Marnie said...

It's funny because it's true!

Kaleena J. said...

Go UTES! I'm a huge Ute football fan too :)

I love that picture of Robert Johnson.

Connie said...

If my hubs was more of a football fan than a basketball fan-atic, he's be right there with you at the U! Go Utes!

Not only is your wife beautiful, she's patient too! You're one lucky guy!

Corrina Terry said...

Not bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Gooooooooooo Cougars!" Oops! I mean, "Come on Cougars! You totally suck for like the 20th year in a row! Get your junk together and kick the Utes' butt at least once while I'm alive!!!"
;o)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Jen said...

WAR EAGLE!! #1 in the land!!

I keep reminding the hubs how lucky he is that I love football as much as he. Maybe the kids in the way is the reason he's not as impressed as he used to be! lol

Baby Sister said...

Yep. She really is a saint...I'm so glad Boyfriend is not a sports person..

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I understand your passion! Fortuanately the wife does not get mad. For that matter, she usually hides...

Jenn said...

LOL Great poem, Abe. Your wife is a saint, but for more reasons then your love for football :) Oh, and by the way.. it's the Huskers all the way baby...GO BIG RED!!!!

Just SO said...

Awesome!!!

Joann Mannix said...

I would need a LOT of feet rubbing. But I am kind of a high maintenance chick like that. My hubs is not so much into the football, so that is a fabulous thing.

Heff said...

Auburn Tigers currently # 1 !!!!

Yeah, I'm drinking ALOT of beer these days !!

Pedaling said...

Maybe I could somehow turn my obsession with politics to sports instead.

M-Cat said...

Well done on the prose!

And have I already mentioned that your wife is a saint and that you totally married up? Yeah....

T said...

I don't think we can be friends anymore... most of ManOfTheHouse's family depends on BYU for their bread and butter.

Luckily this means ManOfTheHouse only has to watch sports when BYU is playing... and he's a fair weather fan so this year has been quite nice for me :)

Mommy Lisa said...

My hubby used to be so bad that I once took his checkbook and went shopping at Macy's to avoid him and his foozball nonsense.

Pearl said...

As someone who knows nothing of football, I can relate from the widow's point of view.

And nothing makes the grief go away like a chocolate malt.

You know. In case you wanted to stop and pick one up.

Pearl :-)

Debbie said...

All I can say is that you married well!

Amanda said...

Dude, you totally married up ;)

I have to say, I'm thrilled to pieces my husband isn't a football fan. Of course, he does watch that UFC stuff...

Noelle said...

Your wife is a saint!!!

Holly Ruggiero said...

All I can say is you married well.

Sam said...

LMAO!!! I had no idea you were a poet! Fantastic stuff! (And send your wife my deepest sympathy please)

Lisa Loo said...

Have I mentioned how much I love that you constantly realize that you married up??!!

And her absolute glee and desire to wax more and more of your anatomy is beginning to make a lot more sense....

Emmy said...

Great poem except for one awful line. Even though they do this year.

Powdered Toast Man said...

What is a Ute? Is that short for an Utz potato chip?

Unknown Mami said...

I don't know watching a JLo movie is more than enough penance.

Traci said...

I just watched the Back Up Plan. Worst. Movie. Ever.
While Spencer has only attended one game this year, I don't really feel like a "widow" so much. But he's talking season tickets next year, so maybe Cathi and I could widows together...

SueLovesCherries said...

I am so glad that I love football! Our NE Patriots are 5-1. Go Pats!