As the world's foremost Facebook connoisseur, blogging (and making snide comments) about the site is my ultimate responsibility. Here are some of my current "likes" or "thumbs up" or "I will now receive notification of every worthless comment on this status update because I clicked like" about facebook.
1. Facebook Events Invitations.
The best part of Facebook event invites is that you can say "yes", "no", or "maybe". Sure, I might be there. I always might be anywhere. Chances are slim to none, but sure, there is a very slight chance that I will find myself on a Saturday night in your Grandma's basement for a "Lord of the Rings Costume Party/Marathon of Movies".
I'll click "maybe".
Definitiveness is a trait that Facebook does not understand.
2. The Facebook Friend Finder.
The real name of this tool should be "The Facebook Friend of Friend Stalking Machine". Who is this person? We have 13 friends in common. Why is it that I have no idea who this person is? Well, there is only one thing to do: I must look at every picture on this person's profile and figure out why I don't know them.
[30 minutes later] Strange. I swear I should know this person. At least they have a cute dog and the comforter on their bed has a classy purple hue. I feel so dirty.
3. Jim Gaffigan Status Updates/Tweets
This is the best restaurant in a carpet store basement I have ever been to.
Chris Columbus gets his own holiday? I mean Home Alone 2.was good but a parade for the guy?
Victoria's Secret now has Halloween costumes. I hope they have an Iron Man for my son.
I get it. “The Biggest Loser” is a show about stories of inspiration masked in an enormous insult, right?
When is that guy from the Men's Wearhouse commercials gonna clear his throat?
Do you think “Ring of Fire” was written the morning after eating a lot of Jalapeños?
"In here, it's always Friday." Yeah, but unfortunately ur spending your Friday in crappy restaurant.