Thursday, October 14, 2010

I feel like sending all my readers a Facebook event invitation to read this post about Facebook.

As the world's foremost Facebook connoisseur, blogging (and making snide comments) about the site is my ultimate responsibility.  Here are some of my current "likes" or "thumbs up" or "I will now receive notification of every worthless comment on this status update because I clicked like" about facebook.

1. Facebook Events Invitations.

There's nothing better than getting an event invite.  They make you feel wanted, desired and even needed.  Your "friend" NEEDS you at this event!  Why, they even took the time to send you a Facebook invitation.  Nothing is more personal and intimate than a random Facebook event invitation.

The best part of Facebook event invites is that you can say "yes", "no", or "maybe".  Sure, I might be there. I always might be anywhere. Chances are slim to none, but sure, there is a very slight chance that I will find myself on a Saturday night in your Grandma's basement for a "Lord of the Rings Costume Party/Marathon of Movies".   

I'll click "maybe". 

Definitiveness is a trait that Facebook does not understand.

2. The Facebook Friend Finder.

The real name of this tool should be "The Facebook Friend of Friend Stalking Machine".  Who is this person?  We have 13 friends in common.  Why is it that I have no idea who this person is?  Well, there is only one thing to do:  I must look at every picture on this person's profile and figure out why I don't know them.

[30 minutes later] Strange.  I swear I should know this person.  At least they have a cute dog and the comforter on their bed has a classy purple hue.  I feel so dirty.

3. Jim Gaffigan Status Updates/Tweets

The world's best comedian has the world's best updates.  Examples:

This is the best restaurant in a carpet store basement I have ever been to.
  
Chris Columbus gets his own holiday? I mean Home Alone 2.was good but a parade for the guy?
  
Victoria's Secret now has Halloween costumes. I hope they have an Iron Man for my son.
  
I get it. “The Biggest Loser” is a show about stories of inspiration masked in an enormous insult, right?
  
When is that guy from the Men's Wearhouse commercials gonna clear his throat?
  
Do you think “Ring of Fire” was written the morning after eating a lot of Jalapeños?
  
"In here, it's always Friday." Yeah, but unfortunately ur spending your Friday in crappy restaurant.

62 comments:

baygirl32 said...

bahahhhaaaa... ring of fire!

Mighty M said...

But they like me, they really really like me. Right?

Jason, as himself said...

Facebook is just weird. I can't decide if I love it or hate it.

Pat Tillett said...

I love it because it has helped me communicate with folks from my past, that I'd have never hooked up with any other way...It also allows me to easily keep in touch with a lot more people that I would without it.

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Jim Gaffigan, how I love him. Joel McHale has some hilarious ones too. Maybe I'll send you and invite to "Like" him.

Jillybean said...

Have you ever heard Jim Gaffigan's bit about Hot Pockets?
Hilarious!

I got a special email address for my FB page that I never look at so I never see all the emails about everyone commenting after me.

Tom said...

I'm torn about Facebook. I'm reluctant to comment on someone's status because I end up getting 200 e-mails telling me about all the strangers that made similar deep remarks like "lol".

Love Gaffigan- "Hot Pockets!"

Marla said...

I have no idea who most of my "friends" are. Thankfully, I only check in for 5 minutes a month. I wouldn't want to miss an invite.

Miley (woman:confused) said...

You forgot the "look at this photo of this friend... you know, the friend you hid on your feed. No, seriously. I'm going to show you his pictures on EVERY SINGLE PAGE and ONLY his pictures. Oh! Look! You should like what he likes too!"

Maybe that's just me though...

The Bipolar Diva said...

The FB "like" is a sly creature for sure.

From Tracie said...

I always check the maybe. Except that time I got invited for a "Dog-Search Extravaganza" being held in Missouri, to look for someone's run away dog. That one I clicked no.

Stacy Q said...

You are helping convince me that Facebook is of the devil.

Eva Gallant said...

facebook makes me nervous. I get messages like "Jen likes this and thinks you will too." I check with Jen and she knows nothing about the comment. I look at family pictures and network my blog and that's about it. Oh, and I play Bejewelled until I'm crosseyed!

Dave said...

One of my favorite things is accepting friend requests of people I know I will immediately block.

Just SO said...

Hahaha! I'm pretty sure the ring of fire has something to do with giving birth. And that Jim G. is a hoot!

Yanet @ 3 Sun Kissed Boys said...

Yep, #2 for sure, right here.

lindsey v said...

Jim Gaffigan tweets are my favorite part of the day. And if I read it at breakfast time, it turns out to be the most important read of the day. And if I read it during sunset, it is the most beautiful read of the day.

Melinda said...

Oh Jim Gaffigan, I love you. Oh yeah, you too Cheeseboy! Hope you're feeling better!

tammy said...

#2 - I totally do that. How did you know?

Kelley said...

Hey!! No more loin pain?? Yay!!!! Hilarious, as usual, Cheeseboy. Like so many and yourself, I absolutely love Jim Gaffigan. I laughed out loud all throughout his stand-up show. Don't you know he wishes he had a pocket full of Hot Pockets to launch in the face of anyone who made the millionth lame & predictable Hot Pocket joke to him? No? Am I too violent? Getting help now...

MBGITWWR said...

I honestly refuse to join the facebook scene. It's just too much. I'm sure it serves a great purpose, but not MY purpose. Love the lines. Too funny!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Not on Facebook either!
And Gaffigan is cool! Will never look at hot pockets the same way again.

The Church Lady said...

I'll admit, I am usually on Facebook daily. But I guess you could call me a "Facebook stalker" cause I rarely post a status update and I usually never leave comments. I WILL give the ocassional "thumbs up" though.

Jenn said...

LMAO!!! I LOVE the ring of fire status update... I think I might use that one!!

järnebrand said...

I still think FB is fun... God, I feel like such a loser now... ;)

Eric said...

'If you don't like it, you can take the gift back...' 'Well thanks, now you've given me a task for Christmas!'

Heff said...

I'm pretty sure "Ring Of Fire" was written after a MUCH more embarrassing event took place than eating Jalapenos.

BTW - Facebook BLOWS, or you wouldn't be messing with blogger at all.

Saimi said...

I so don't do facebook. I did for awhile but it lost it's flavor and got boring so I deactivated it. All the silly farm/mafia games. Are you a fan of this and that, what's your daily luck....ya, ya ya whatever!

Georgina Dollface said...

The FB feature that lets friends recommend friends is super annoying. You are much more diligent than I am in finding out who people are before turning them down. And as for the yes/no/maybe feature for events - what kind of social misfits are we turning into? "Maybe"? I can't stand it when people RSVP with a maybe to my face, so on FB it's even worse. Maybe I just won't pay the caterer for your dinner. Yeah, like that would fly. - G

mice_aliling said...

I was just reading Rabbit's FB rant...hahaha http://ow.ly/2U5Y2

Copyboy said...

I saw JG on comedy central, hilarious!!!

mintifresh said...

I love Jimmy G! I was so close to taking off to Wendover to see his show but I couldn't get anyone to go with me :( Facebook is always a great topic of conversation, except with people who don't have it....then you just sound nuts..

Pedaling said...

I'm way too honest and am afraid I've crushed many a hopes...from now on I'm going to follow your lead and just click --Maybe!

One Cluttered Brain said...

LOL...the biggest loser...
Oh my! so true!

Marnie said...

I couldn't agree more with the Facebook Friend Finder. Kind of creepy.

Mommy Lisa said...

How am I not following Jim Gaffigan yet? DUH!

Lindsay Blogs said...

Ah the good old Facebook Friend Finder. I hate that thing. Remember when it used to pop up a box each time you hit the X to say you didn't want to friend that person? It always said "Why aren't you taking my suggestion?" and then gave like 17 reasons. It was even more ridiculous then.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I'd give you a thumbs up for this post, but then I'd have to hear from 10,000 of your closest friends.
xoRobyn

Marlene said...

That's EXACTLY why "Ring of Fire" was written!! I know the feeling!

MiMi said...

I love clicking Maybe on those invites!

Emmy said...

Lol! Number 2 is so true! Drives me crazy if none of their profile pictures actually contain them, then how am I supposed to know?

00dozo said...

Facebook?? Not on my dancecard.

Hope Chella said...

Brilliant!!!!!!!! :D xx

Hope Chella said...

Brilliant!!!!!!!! :D xx

Holly Ruggiero said...

What is this "Facebook" thing of which you speak of?

Unknown Mami said...

I look at pictures of people I'm not even supposed to know. I mean, why do I even care? I don't, but once I start looking I figure I might as well look at all 164 pictures of them or I might miss something interesting.

imbeingheldhostage said...

SO funny! I got a friend request from someone I had no idea who he was. I asked everyone on our mutual friend list and none of them knew him either!
BTW, you have RUINED FB for me with your previous FB post (the asking who actually talks like their status updates). ;-)

Shannon Green said...

So basically...

All those people who say "maybe" to my event invitations really have no intention of attending.

None of my friends really know me but they might like my bed linens.

And Jim Gaffigan's statuses are better than mine.

Well there went my reason for living.

Velva said...

This post made me smile. Nice post.

Jess said...

ahahahahahahahahaha

It is an addiction/love/hate relationship for many or sure....

I am so pleased to know that you liked my purple comforter... and yes my doggie IS cute isnt he.... and whoooo you dirty boy you!!!

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Great post!! Have a great weekend!! =)

Corrina Terry said...

Ha ha! :o)

Mikki said...

oh my gosh! The ring of fire one. I will never listen to that song the same way again!

Funny how I still manage to feel guilty when I RSVP with a "No. Will not attend".

Lourie said...

I have done the look at photos thing! hahaha.

My husband got me into Jim Gaffigan. "hot pockets!"

Powdered Toast Man said...

Jim Gaffigan is the man. I hope I get a Facebook invitation from him to that restaurant in the carpet store basement.

The Invisible Seductress said...

I'm scared to friend you now...






runs to jump on bed in spoiled teen fashion and cry...

Cherie said...

I am so ANTI- FACEBOOK I am having shirts printed! (J/K) But seriously I despise Facebook more than I despise the View and that's saying a LOT!

Missy said...

I hate FaceBook!

Allyson & Jere said...

i agree on the wierd friend requesters that have friends in common but you have NO idea WHO they are. I mean really, who just friend reuqests people for the sake of requesting? I don't get it. it's just wierd!

Whoever that comedian is.....funny!

Vanessa said...

The only good thing that the fb friend finder has ever done for me, is rat out the person who defriended me. So, it is good for something.

M-Cat said...

I'm such a FB illiterate. I barely can do my own status updates let alone events, friend finders.... and what the crap is a tweet?

LOL - I am wicked old

Charlotte said...

I spend way too much time trying to figure out why that person has so many friends in common with me.

Does Gaffigan really tweet? That is something I need to get on immediately.

jennifer said...

Even though I have a Twitter account, I don't ever Tweet. If I were as clever as Jim Gaffigan, maybe I would.

Hope you are having a great week!