I shall entitle this piece "Disney On Ice is what Happens".
What happens when 2,000 6-year-old girls wearing $80 princess dresses gather in a basketball arena?
What happens when your child begs you to buy cotton candy and you cave, only to find out that you have to buy the "souvenir glass" with it and you are now staring at a crappy $12 plastic cup with blue sugar in your lap that is still half full because your kids are "tired of it"?
What happens when your 3 year old boy starts to yawn and proceeds to crawl all over your lap and pull on your ears because for some strange reason, he assumed Spiderman would be making an appearance?
What happens when all goes dark and all you can see is 10,000 neon spinning light contraptions that cost $20 a pop and your kid is now begging you for one of those as well?
What happens when you are so incredibly bored, you begin to start contemplating if the guy in the Mickey costume is actually a chick because dang - that Mickey is way too graceful to skate like a dude.
What happens when you take your kid to pee only to return to find out your other kid has to pee. Also, you are sitting in the middle of the row?
What happens when the lights come on and you get excited, but they announce that it is only intermission? Intermission turns out to be hundreds souvenir jockeys, wearing mickey ears and a light up ties, walking up and down the aisles while your children whine and complain that they need more overpriced crap.
What happens when the show ends at 10:30 PM and you end up having to carry your sleepy, exhausted children two miles to your car because you were stubborn and refused to pay more than five bucks to park your car?
What happens when you drop 3 grand on a Disneyland vacation in March, 100 bucks on an ice show in October and then realize that 10% of your yearly salary is going directly into frozen Walt Disney's frozen pockets?
Disney on Ice. That's what happens.