You are ruining teaching. You are stealing it from me. The honor of the profession is the lone thing I have over rich folks and you are pulling it out of my cold, chalky hands. (My hands are cold because I use frozen chalk. I find that it limits forefinger chafing.)
I can already hear their wealthy, smug, voices while they chew on their caviar:
Oh, you are a teacher? How hard can it be if Tony Danza does it?
Tony, your new reality series, Teach: Tony Danza is ruining my life. Quite honestly, I’d rather watch Paris Hilton or one of the Geico cavemen teach 14-year-olds English on a reality show than you.
Teaching is so easy, even Tony Danza can do it.
Everyone is saying it.
How about a reality series where you try your hand at a talk show? Oh, that’s right, you already ruined that profession.
How about a show where you drive taxi cabs with Doc from Back to the Future? How about a reality show that involves saying the word “Angelar” over and over until you realize there is actually no R at the end?
You really have to make the profession of teaching a laughingstock? Teaching? You do realize I went to school for six years and poured my heart into this job, right? You realize I make about as much in a year as you did in an hours work on Angels in the Outfield?
Tony, my man, you are a national treasure. You don’t need this bull. I’m sure they’d love to have you on Dancing with Sarah Palin’s Daughter. They’d kill for your star power on one of those STD VH1 dating shows. You could take Bret Michael's place.
You don’t need to prove your blue collard-ness to us, Tony. We get it - you’re from Brooklyn. But the truth is, you are a multi-thousandaire and we teachers get paid in five dollar Target Gift Cards and Happenings Book coupons.
I eat at Five Guys and you eat at one of those fancy-dancy, affluent Italian places like The Macaroni Grill.
You and I, we are not one and the same. When women meet me, they think that it is adorable that I teach first grade. Now they will just look at me, shake their head and mumble something about Tony Danza’s new career under their breath. It’s embarrassing.
Perhaps your show will prove how difficult teaching really is? Perhaps you will fail miserably and the students will end up giving you wedgies until you promise to bring Alyssa Milano? Doubtful though. Most likely, A&E will end up making you look better than you really are. (Think: Family Law those episodes of The Love Boat that you were in.)
Tony, this is my final plea. Please don’t do this. You are not a smart man. Dumb acting dopes from Brooklyn do not make good teachers.
An actual teacher that actually takes his job (semi) seriously.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check my Happenings book for a coupon for awesome.