You get paid infinity more than me. Score 10 points for yourself.
At 9:00 on any given day, I am playing dodgeball, throwing a hula hoop around or riding a small scooter. At 9:00 on any given day, you are sitting at your desk, wishing it were 5:00. Score 10 points for ME.
I often get presents – good ones – and I am under no obligation to return the favor. You get a present and a guilt trip from a co-worker. 5 points - me.
I get to read stories everyday and I get to chose which one we read. You get to hear stories about the foot fungi your coworker in the cubicle one over is taking medication for. 5 points – me.
When we celebrate birthdays at my job, people are actually sincere about being happy for the person, not just looking for free cake. 5 points – me.
I get recess. You get 15 minutes in your breakroom. Push.
In six years, I have never once been bored. You: play solitaire. 5 points – me.
I have a closet full of candy. 3 points – me.
There is all that mumbo-jumbo about making a difference in the life of kids and this and that. 20 points – me.
I get 3 months off every summer and every holiday and they still think we need days off on top of that. 10 points – me.
Women constantly approach me and tell me how great I am and how I am an inspiration- the greatest thing ever in fact. You: work with strange women. 10 points – me.
Every day, I get at least 3 original portraits painted of me and placed on my desk. You: If someone draws a picture of you, you are worried for your safety. 5 points – me.
I get to watch really bad kid’s learning TV shows about 2-3 times per week. You: get to huddle around a buddies computer and watch a funny youtube clip. 10 points for you.
I am adored by 20; a walking celebrity of sorts. You: are technically not "adored" by anyone at work, except for the creepy weirdo that is drawing pictures of you. 15 points – me.
Of course, you probably don’t have to deal with crying, bad behavior and sassiness. 20 points you, unless you have a boss that is sassy.
I can pass gas in a room full of people and not a single one will assume it was me. (It's never the teacher, trust me.) 3 points – me.
You: 40 points
Me: 96 points
That’s right - undefeated for yet another year. (Unless, of course, you have one of the following jobs: Undercover Brother, astronaut, Catholic Priest, Carson Daily, President, movie star hairdresser, scone taster, Smoky the Bear, or Smoky the Bear's handler)