Wednesday, July 6, 2011

What I imagine people will think when I update my Facebook profile information

What I imagine people will think when I update my Facebook profile information.

- That Abe sure is an interesting fellow.  I'd like to learn more about his likes and dislikes. The more information I have about Abe, the better!  It's a good thing he has a lot of information about himself on his Facebook profile.

- Look at this, he has his birthday listed, but not his year.  That's probably not because he is ashamed of his age, but because he is on the lookout for identity thieves. He's always been very cognizant of those types of safety issues.  He's very responsible.

- It says that he's married.  Why, that is a bummer, but it only makes sense, with how he is such a magnificent man and all, of course some woman has gobbled him up by now.

- Ah, I see he is a high school graduate.  That would explain why he is well spoken and so well versed in so many areas.  And of course he went to Highland High School, the elite of the elites of the three Salt Lake City public high schools!  I would have not thought any differently.  I bet he was so popular too.

- The more I read Abe's profile, the more impressed I am with him.  Did you know that he graduated from the University of Utah in 2000?  That's a mere six years after he graduated high school!  Clearly, he takes his education seriously and it shows!

- Wow.  His musical tastes range from Neil Diamond to Bell X1.  Who knew he had such a range of interesting and eclectic taste in music? I'm going to have to email him to get some recommendations.

- And here I thought his taste in music was diverse and inspired, but his taste in movies is even more impressive.  I mean, had I known one of his favorite movies was The Shawshank Redemption, I would have taken him much more seriously!  I'm going to have to apologize.

- HOLD THE PHONE!  What's this.  He likes Disneyland?  That is one of his many interests?  I love Disneyland!  This proves that despite being clearly intelligent, he is also a family man and down to earth.  I appreciate this very much about his personality. He is an amazing, amazing man.

- This has been so interesting.  I am so glad I spent the last 70 minutes looking at Abe's profile.  I feel like I now have someone to look up to in life.  I look forward to his future updates!

45 comments:

Kristina P. said...

So, is that picture one of making a small sign with your thumb and index finger, indicating someone is, uh, small? Because if that's the case, that sounds like some unfortunate information you are choosing the share with everyone.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

People are in awe when they realize I speak English, Spanish, Ebonics, Ig-Pay Atin-Lay, L33t Sp34k, and Pidgin English. I'm a veritable tower of babel (or babble, as it were...)

E.J. Wesley said...

:-)

Oilfield Trash said...

Good point. I need to update mine now.

Susan in the Boonies said...

How. Did. You. Know???

I feel as if you've been reading my mail!!!!!!!

That Abe. He even knows my very thoughts, and how consumed I am with him. He is like: psychic , as well as being intelligent, sensitive, and possessing impeccable taste. I <3 Abe.

Connie said...

There are two kinds of people in this world...those who like Neil Diamond and those...
I figure if you have an eclectic taste in movies along with your music, you'd know where that line came from.

I'm so impressed with your updated profile info.

I'm Jennifer. said...

You'd better be careful. With a profile like that you're bound to get swarmed with stalkers. Lock your doors at nite too. I'm thinking everyone in the US is going to want to know you now!

"Miss Bee" said...

I had to go to your profile and see if you were telling the truth, as I hadn't had the chance to stalk you just yet.

I'm glad to see that "stuff" is one of your interests. I'm fond of stuff myself, so we have that in common.

Hi I'm Rhonda. said...

Now I feel like my facebook is totally inadequate.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

And I am now glad I'm not on Facebook!

Pat said...

Nah. What we're REALLY thinking is that Abe is either delusional or drunk when he wrote this post. *snort* KIDDING!

Mindy said...

The worst part: the final joke about 70 minutes isn't that far off. FB is a total time sucker. I recently looked over my own profile and was surprised by some of the odd links added to my interests. Somehow "childcare" and "graffiti" were added to my interests. Who knew?

The Church Lady said...

Why, you hit the nail right on the head!

Fragrant Liar said...

Clearly FB is important to you, but I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your ad on the right for low-cost bunion removal. Plus, that graphic is lovely.

Thanks, Cheese Boy.

Marnie said...

Hilarious! I found this facinating Abe :0D

-stephanie- said...

If I did Facebook, and read your profile, those would be my thoughts exactly.

Justin said...

My thoughts exactly. Why do you think I gave in to Tammy's demands and asked you to be my FB friend? Truly you are a giant among men.

Lazarus said...

This was truly hilarious, loved it. So many great lines. Although you don't come off as quite the narcissist that others can play, it was still very, very funny, nicely done!

tammy said...

It's like you can read my mind...

I had to laugh when I read my 9 year old's updated profile recently:

Employer: I never worked, I'm a student.

High school: How should I know?

Basic Info: I live in AZ, don't go on Facebook that much so if you are reading this, I am probably offline. Not much too look at here. Move along people.

Kid cracks me up.

The Bipolar Diva said...

now you've got me thinking about my profile...yikes!

Pat Tillett said...

Had I known all this about you earlier, I may have become a switch hitter...

Melinda said...

This is a really round about way for you to say you spent 70 minutes looking at my profile Abe. Don't worry, you don't need to be ashamed.

mintifresh said...

I'm pretty sure everyone who reads my info is super jealous of my degree from the community college. And it only took me 15 years to get it.

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

Wait. Facebook has profile pages? That you can edit?

Crystal Pistol said...

I dated a guy who graduated from Highland. I found that guy at BYU. He was a buttoned-up, boring, self-righteous poser. Maybe you knew him?

I am pleased to note Highland also produces funny, down-to-earth type guys who love Disneyland and The Shawshank Rempemption. You are a credit to your school, Mr Cheese.

Alittlesprite said...

No wonder identity theft is such an issue. Who could not help but want to be you after reading how marvellous you are Abe..lol.

Jenn said...

Get out of my mind dude, you are totally freaking me out!!!!

Leslie said...

At least now I don't have to read your Facebook profile.

TesoriTrovati said...

The only thing about Facebook that I like is when you update us on your (are-they-real-or-just-imagined) Facebook statuses. The rest is just a waste of time, clearly. It is easy to tell all of this without stalking you on Facebook!
Enjoy the day, Abe!
Erin
P.S. Shawshank is the BEST!

Melanie Jacobson said...

Oh.

That's not what I thought when you updated.

No, I thought, "Why would you admit to that in public?"

Um . . . sorry?

Kari Nitzel said...

Your amazing, your such a mind reader!

Mommy Lisa said...

Weirdly I updated mine today.

Cluttered Brain said...

bwahahaha. yes yes Cheeseboy I may have actually studied your FB profile for that long. possibly. obviously you may have beat me though. lol.
Love this....

Emmy said...

Hm I think I must have read your profile as I knew all those things :)

Lourie said...

You mean people read that stuff?

Joann Mannix said...

How is it possible that we're friends? I hate Disney and every thing associated with that rodent place.

And people are in awe of me when they hear my turkey call. Sadly, there is no place on Facebook where I can advertise that. And by the way, I liked like mad all your statuses. Hope it helped.

Silver Strands said...

Great. Now I've got a compulsive urge to go and read all 578 of my fb friends' profiles. Thanks.

TisforTonya said...

ummmm... yeah, because that's what I do when I'm bored, I stalk your profile...

but now that I know that's what YOU do I'm going to make my profile a little more interesting... no wonder I was defriended last week!

Kate said...

I actually like to read other peoples' profile information...Yeah, I know that's not the point of this post, but I felt I should share. And, possibly, add it to my profile.

Teachinfourth said...

Oh Abe...you and your profile. I'd steal some of them, but then everyone would know that I was a re-poster of profile information.

So I won't.

But it is tempting...

Kelley said...

70 minutes?! I wish! I have been reading it for the last hour & ten minutes!! Oh, wait a minute...

It is all true. Everything you said. So amazing!!

Corrina Terry said...

I know I left a message on FB, but not the same as going to the site. :o)

Thanks for making people smile. In this crazy world, we need more smiles and laughter!!!

Unknown Mami said...

So now you are adding mind reader to your list of talents? You are blessed with far too many gifts.

I think...I wonder if Abe farts while he is updating his profile information.

Kristina P. said...

Ha! I see you changed the picture. Much better. I still have no idea what the previous pic was of.

M-Cat said...

You had me at Shawshank Redemption