Monday, July 18, 2011

This Month in Cheeseboy Facebook Status Updates

Once a month, I  post a rundown of my best Facebook and Twitter status updates.  Although this month's is a tad bit late, here they are. I'd love to hear your favorites.  Or your least favorites.  


7-16-11 at 6:15 PM: It's ""Carmageddon" here in tiny Leeds, Utah! Seriously, a car drove by like 12 minutes ago.


7-15-11 at 3:53 PM: I am on vacation, but I don't want to look like I am on vacation, so I am wearing a tank top, white tube socks, Jesus sandals, man-capris and a black fanny pack. Blending in.


7-14-11 at 1:17 PMPeople that say "I just love spending time with my kids" do not go on road trips.


7-12-11 at 8:39 AMLadies, you know who else wore feathers in their hair? American Indians. And we all know what happened to them. (They own casinos.)


7-11-11 at 2:24 PMI've been to eight 7-11's today! 8! Only two more and I'll have enough free slurpee to fill my 22 ounce mug!


7-9-11 at 7:02 PMI wish my 5 year old son had half as much excitement for cleaning his room as he does for pushing an elevator button.


7-7-11 at 8:16 PMI'm afraid that a large portion of my Facebook friends are lying about stuff they actually "like" just to win free stuff. Can't trust them. Defriending all...


7-7-11 at 8:44 PMThe worst part of being a teacher in the summer is that when my wife finds glitter in my hair, I can't blame it on an art project.


7-6-11 at 11:59 AM: As a teacher, I love having summers off so I can spend more time yelling at my kids to go outside and do something.


7-4-11 at 3:01 PMHappy Fourth of July everyone! (Unless you are a Jehovah Witness friend. In which case, happy regular day in July.)


7-1-11 at 4:52 PM: I went to the zoo the other day and jokingly asked a zookeeper, "So, how realistic is that new Zookeeper movie?" She laughed, said, "not very", closed the van door and then the gorilla drove her away.


7-1-11 at 3:27 PMChina had General Tso. America had Colonel Sanders. It's a shame they never met on the battlefield because they were both too chicken.


7-1-11 at 2:00 PMI'm grasping at straws for something funny to post. Like a midget at the 7-11 soda fountain.


7-1-11 at 12:01 PMBefore sliced bread, people would say, "It's the best thing since regular bread." Or, "It's the best thing since knives."


7-1-11 at 9:16 AMI remember a time when 3D movies were just the worst thing to do at Disneyland.


7-1-11 at 8:06 AM: When I saw my pet bunny had survived the amputation, I knew at that moment that my new rabbit's foot was indeed very lucky.


6-30-11 at 7:59 PMToday I learned that just because the microwave popcorn bag says "Movie Theater" on it does not mean that they will microwave it for you there.


6-29-11 at 5:17 PMI tell my kids: "Find a penny, pick it up, all the day you'll have good luck" does not apply if the penny is in a urinal.


6-27-11 at 8:53 PM: I always get confused if T.M.I. stands for "Too Much Information" or "Tell More Information!". Especially when I talk about my weird mole.


6-27-11 at 12:35 PM: My neighbor just came over and asked if we owned a fax machine. A fax machine?! I told him no, but he was welcome borrow my Sony Walkman, Commodor 64 computer or my calculator watch.


6-25-11 at 4:52 PMA wetsuit is the comb-over of swimwear when worn at a water park.


6-24-11 at 7:59 PMDeer friends, 
I'd just like to say you are the best! I could not ask for better friends. I hope you know how much I appreciate you. And I am a little surprised that you are using facebook, what with your hoofs and all.

6-22-11 at 6:48 PM: Did you guys hear? Subway discovered you can put avocado on sandwiches! They're super excited about it too. Avocado! Not to be outdone, Burger King is currently researching putting bacon on hamburgers.

6-21-11 at 2:00 PMEver come home from a really long trip and you notice your house kinda smells and you wonder if you are the smelly family on the block and no one dares tell you? Asking for a friend.

6-19-11 at 6:30 PMFamous Philadelphia cheese steak for lunch, greasy thin crust Phili pizza for dinner, this is the best kind of Philadelphia Father's Day heartburn!

36 comments:

Marnie said...

Hilarious! Where do you come up with them?

sprinkles said...

I can't even pick just one, they're all hilarious!

Kristina P. said...

I clearly need to spend more time on FB, stealing your statuses and pretending they are mine. We don't share any of the same friends, right?

Susan in the Boonies said...

Harvest your top 5!

Or is that like asking you to pick your favorite child?

(Too easy: it's Jimmy!!!)

(Just kidding: I have no Jimmy. It's Janie, anyway.)

Oilfield Trash said...

The chicken one was epic.

Hart Johnson said...

*snicker* You're a nut. I think my favorite is your costume to 'blend' BUWAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Kate said...

So funny. At first I thought maybe being FB friends would take the fun out of these posts because I've seen all these before, but now it's more getting a chance to laugh again, so it's all good.

Everyday Goddess said...

these updates are delicious, just like cheese doodles, who can devour just one??

("cheese" doodles = updates!)

my gift to you!

Crystal Pistol said...

Love the wetsuit/combover. Hilarious! And true...

Elder Sam Bradshaw said...

My favorites are 7/17 and 6/25. But you didnt tell us you were the one wearing the wet suit!

Glen said...

I still occasionally have to use a fax - it's absolute madness :-)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

The grasping for straws one is my favorite. You never run out of funny. I'm in awe.
xoRobyn

SherilinR said...

haha! i love the zookeeper one. lol.
and and i wanted to tell you, a couple days ago i was in a movie theatre & the guy behind me laughed & sounded just like you. at first i just thought he sounded familiar, but i couldn't figure out why, then i remembered some of your vlogs & sure enough, it was your laugh twin. okay, now i'm sounding like a weird stalker or something. you aren't on vaca in the american south this week, are you?

TesoriTrovati said...

Oh.My.Word.
This month slays me, Abe!
Lucky the Rabbit...Calculator watch...TMI...road trips...like a midget at 7-11...glitter in your hair.
You are priceless.
Thanks for make me go through silent guffaws at work so as not to alarm the other cubicle trapees.

Enjoy the day, Abe!
Erin

Leslie said...

I'm afraid that a large portion of my Facebook friends are lying about stuff they actually "like" just to win free stuff. Can't trust them. Defriending all...

Yup.

Definitely.

Joann Mannix said...

Do you know that my girls are practically adults and they still fight over pressing the elevator button? Obviously, we are a family of excitement.

Every ding-dang one of your statuses is hilarious. Do these just pop into your brain or are you outlining and researching?

P.S. My girls have tons of hair glitter, just in case you know anyone who might need some.

Lazarus said...

I must say that even though I read them all the first time on Facebook, they are just as enjoyable the second time around. My fave is the Colonel Sanders/General Tso one, a stroke of brilliance. Who would connect those two? Cheeseboy, that's who! The TMI one is also a personal fave, excellent job.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You really like 7-11, don't you?

Evonne said...

These are too funny!

I'm now tempted to take a bag of microwave popcorn to the movies with me. Just to see what they say.

allison tait said...

Love it! I like a guy who can really work a FB status update - the one about the 3D movie wins for me.

Lourie said...

Kind of grossed out by the penny in the urinal. But at the same time, it's a good lesson. Hahaha.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

I like the TMI one as I use TMI way too often.

Hi I'm Rhonda. said...

I'm not sure if I should be offended as I own a calculator watch!

Connie said...

I'm not going to choose just one to comment on because they're all pretty funny. However, the one about...no, they're all hilarious.

Powdered Toast Man said...

They pop my popcorn when I bring it to the theater. Are you tipping them 37 cents?

Kelley said...

The elevator button!!! Ohmygoodnessgraciousalive, that is so true. My sons LOVE, LOVE, LOVE elevator buttons. I do wish they'd show that much excitement over anything I ask them to do. Loved these, CB!

The Bipolar Diva said...

I LOVE the blending in on vacation, but the glitter in the hair is a close second.

Jenn said...

Your house smells???? LOL

Living Life said...

They're even funnier the second time around! I "Like" them all!

Emmy said...

I think the feather's one is my new favorite. I might just start wearing feather's in my hair.

Lindzena said...

LOL! This made me laugh. Posts like this are one of the primary reasons I enjoy Facebook. Awesome.

imbeingheldhostage said...

This was your best month to date... wait, you shouldn't be dating, you're a married guy..,

Cluttered Brain said...

i love your FB updates. Hey whaTS UP WITH YOUR PUTER?
sorry caps lock was on...

Pat said...

Very funny stuff. If I were hip and tweeted, I'd certainly follow you. But alas, I'm not. Which is evident in my using words like "hip" and "alas".

Teachinfourth said...

Oh, Abe...

Glitter.

M-Cat said...

Laughing all over again - except sometimes for the first time since I missed some of these. Must have been twits or twats or whatever the hell that Twitter stuff is