Why the cows in the Isle of Man are ruining the world.

I have completed my patriotic duty of giving blood today. I enjoy giving blood for many reasons: all the people telling me how great a person I am, the free Orange-Pineapple juice and Fig Newtons, all the personal questions about my sex life, the anti-Nazi approved colorful armband. It's almost exactly like being the biggest bully in the prison lunch line.

Interestingly enough, the guy that took my blood pressure and pulse asked me if I was a long distance runner. I told him that I indeed enjoyed a good run, and he informed me that he can usually tell because runners have a pulse and blood pressure similar to mine. This made me overwhelmingly proud and a tad cocky. He wasn't too interested when I asked him if he wanted to see my abs, but I showed him anyway. I am boasting so I digress...

During my bi-yearly giving of life to the lifeless, I was taken aback by a single item on the questionnaire form. The form listed a plethora of foreign nations that may have contaminated your blood with it's legions of bacteria and revolting viruses. I was surprised to see "The Isle of Man" on the list.

Now, the only "isle" that I have visited lately is the "Tom Sawyer's Isle" in Disneyland. Just to be sure, I double checked to make sure it wasn't on the list and of course, it wasn't. However, I was slightly concerned because during my recent visit there, while crossing the barrel bridge, my hand swiped through a foreign, sticky substance. Which makes me wonder: should I still have given blood? I would hate to give some poor, unsuspecting soul in the ER with "Tom Sawyer's Disease" because I wanted a free bag of cookies and an apple juice.

For those that may not know, "Tom Sawyer's Disease" consists of frothing at the mouth and a sudden urge to raft down a river.

I became curious as to why a recent visit to the "Isle of Man" would prevent one from giving blood and thus, I began to research the situation in depth. As it turns out, the Isle of Man has recently had quite an ugly breakout of "Mad Cow's Disease", which is strange given that this is the Isle of Man we are talking about, not the Isle of Cow. What is even more strange is that there are only 80,000 people on the isle and the cow population is estimated to be around 1,000. So essentially, the cows are ruining it for everyone, including the potential blood givers in Murray, Utah. Stupid cows make me want to eat twice as much hamburger - just not hamburger from the Isle of Man, of course.

I probably should have put my shirt back on while I was giving blood, but I was just feeling so good about myself.