Friday, December 14, 2012

This Week's Tweets!

Hey everyone.  Another week down, another week of mediocre to funny tweets.  This week, I've added something new... I've included the number of Retweets and Stars a tweet received so you can see which ones were the most popular.  So, here they are...


How have scientists found a way to take the seeds out of watermelon but they have not been able to do the same for Bobby Brown?  (18 retweets, 88 stars)

I'd work out today, but I'm too tired from all the eating. (23 RTs, 107 stars)

I'd like to send a special Christmas thank you to all the salad bars with a chocolate pudding option at the end. (25 RTs, 142 stars)

Recipe idea: Add ADDITIONAL cheese to your frozen pizza to make pizza with EXTRA CHEESE! (Ladies, you may pin this on your pinny web thing.) (80 RTs, 214 stars)

I just ate both Captain Crunch and pineapple for dinner and now the inside of my mouth looks like a scene from Kill Bill. (33 RTs, 159 stars)

Almost up to 10,000 Twitter followers, so you can suck it, 312 Facebook "friends". (16 RTs, 110 stars)

I DID IT! 10,0000 Twitter followers! I WON Twitter! Anyone know if Twitter sends out their checks at the first or the end of the month? (33 RTs, 184 stars)

I don't need to teach my 10yo son about girls. He plays something called "Minecraft". (32 RTs, 157 stars)

Tom Hanks doesn't get the credit he deserves for playing 8 different really creepy guys in The Polar Express. (14 RTs, 130 stars)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I can't remember the rest because I am a fool. (36 RTs, 159 stars)

I'm not positive why the 6th graders were giggling as I walked out of the faculty bathroom, but I have a pretty good idea of what they heard. (19 RTs, 124 stars)

Just added "clean the oil spill off a baby pelican" to my bucket list. Also added, "spill oil on a baby pelican". (23 RTs, 148 stars)

Report: "USDA to allow more meat in school lunches". This is fantastic news for my students that love the taste of dog food. (14 RTs, 109 stars)

I told my son to give an Elf on the Shelf to the mall Santa and whisper in his ear, "Send him back to hell where he belongs, mall Santa." (34 RTs, 156 stars)

Most famous wolf in Yellowstone was shot yesterday. Investigators think the other wolves were jealous of his fame & obtained gun illegally. (9 RTs, 85 stars)

I was watching a commercial for this Les Miserables movie & getting excited to see it & then they started singing & I was like, "Ah crap." (23 RTs, 111 stars)

It's getting to the point that you can inflate anything and put it on your lawn as long as it is Christmas time. (25 RTs, 139 stars)

I think it's important that kids nowadays know that they wouldn't even HAVE a Christmas had Ernest not saved it back in 1988. (154 RTs, 256 stars)

I've replaced all the heads of the camels on our lawn with Cabbage Patch Doll heads, making our nativity scene the creepiest on the block. (63 RTs, 176 stars)

I bought our Christmas tree from Rite Aid giving our Christmas the festive smell of cough syrup and vaseline. (15 RTs, 106 stars)

When we see a dead deer on the side of the road, a cute thing I tell my kids is, "Look to see if it had a red nose, kids." (30 RTs, 136 stars)

Hey people naming your girls "Yessica". Nossica. (58 RTs, 205 stars)

Liking indie rock makes me feel better than you. (7 RTs, 66 stars)

"The Nutcracker" is the perfect description of what it's like to have to sit through the ballet "The Nutcracker". (15 RTs, 74 stars)

If you're thinking of getting married, know that those laughs you're getting from that special someone will turn into eye rolls at "I do". (18 RTs, 107 stars)


mintifresh said...

While I loved every one of them the 6th graders one and the elf on the shelf one made me guffaw ridiculously!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh, too funny!! You tweet while I sleep, so I missed a lot of these. The last one? Awesome.

Powdered Toast Man said...

Awesome just awesome. I don't read your tweets enough but then I wouldn't need to read your blog posts. I have a tough decision ahead of me.