Which drugs were digested during the making of the latest episode of "Yo Gabba Gabba!"?

Calder loves a show called “Yo Gabba Gabba.!” If you have not seen it, it is certainly the largest load of gobbledygook drivel you have ever seen. Upon your first viewing, you won’t be wondering if the creators were on drugs; you will be wondering just which drug they were on. You will then wish that you had a little bit of it to experiment with.

I actually sat down with Calder yesterday and watched an entire episode, just to see what the hype and keenness were all about. Below you will find my superb copious notes and then some post-show smart aleck comments. (Initial notes in BOLD.)

DJ Lance spins around.
DJ Lance is a freaky African American dude that wears a funky hat and usually some sort of neon bodysuit. Today’s color of choice is a divine, dazzling shade of orange.

DJ Lance waves his arms.
DJ Lance has some mind-boggling moves that I am sure would be popular with the ladies in all of the New York City nightclubs he is not able to get into.

DJ Lance likes games.
Most likely because he has failed so miserably at the game of life and has become relegated to staying up late, making up silly, nonsensical children’s games in the spare bedroom of his two bedroom apartment. And he likely hates games because so many of his former girlfriends have played games with his repeatedly broken heart. This man is all about games.

Brobi, a black and green striped monster thing, is a poor sport, but not a quitter. He never gave up, just moped.
However, he DID get the attention he was seeking as the gang all stopped what they were doing to focus on this jerk-faced loser. Yo Gabba Gabba teaches our children all of the important lessons of life.

A smiling cartoon pear, squash, boot and orange take a walk while singing a song.
This was the only part of the show that made perfect sense to me, and I am still trying to figure out why. The only part of this clip I didn’t understand is why the boot happened to go on a walk with the food. I believe that the food items might have been just using him because he is friends with tin foil. Tin foil is so fresh and sparkly.

I don’t want to cause controversy here, but I believe that it is in the boot’s best interest to dump those fruity fruits and go out on his own. Perhaps the boot could become a crime fighting private investigator. Or better yet, the boot could move into an upper Manhattan apartment and be fanned by a couple of attractive divorced soccer moms with extra time on their hands. Just a thought.

Mark, an artist with a pencil mustache and a beret, draws some golf equipment on a pad of paper and then does a besotted dance.
Mark – you are an embarrassment to your craft. Your golf club was abysmal, your ball a gag to good sense. Did you take art class from a monkey that has had half it’s brain removed for research on monkey brains and/or Maybeline makeup? Did the monkey attack you because he was missing half his brain and take your dignity? If so, I would completely understand. However, you should be ashamed that you are still a practicing artiste, even if it is on a crappy kid’s show on basic cable.

The talking yellow robot plays freeze tag with the gang.
Freeze tag? Really, creepy jolly yellow robot? That’s what you came up with? Considering you are a robot and have a motherboard, circuits and other technology stuff that I can’t think of right now, I would hope that you would be able to come up with something better than Freeze tag.

Oh boy, Brobi is moping again because he does not have enough energy for freeze tag.
Brobi, you’ve got to suck it up buddy. This isn’t Mr. Rogers or Blues Clues. This show is all about energy!

A talking glass of water and an apple invite Brobi to eat them to renew his energy.
Normally, one would think that when you have a sit down conversation with an apple, you would be less likely to go ahead and gorge him into your abdomen and allow the tart stomach acid to decompose the conversing produce until it is nothing but green monster excrement. One would think.

I bet that green and black monster stool is mostly small, round pellets. It’s just a ton more than a deer. You see, I bet they leave like a 3 foot pile of pellets. Just my guess.

Brobi now has plenty of energy and wins the game!
There is no greater gift than the laying down of one’s fruitfully hopeful life for that of green, striped monster.

A girl named Jada likes to dance.
Yes, yes she does.

Cool tricks, cool tricks! – A girl plays a recorder through her nose.
No, I did not make this up. She went too far when she pulled it out of her nose and then played it with her mouth. Just kidding, but I held out some hope.

The Marching Game – It’s easy, all you have to do is get in a line behind the blue dinosaur/cat thing and march. The only rule is that you have to like to march.
Undoubtedly a brainchild of DJ Lance’s last Saturday night alone in his apartment, except of course for his GI Joe action figures which he has set up in a circle around his giant bean bag chair.
A white blob thing with low self-esteem named Gooble is invited to march along. Gooble’s expression never changes.
Gooble is a representation of the white light that evil people see when they die in their sleep.

A boy named Maxton likes to dance.
Dance Maxton, dance!

The Super Music Friend Show –Mates of State play a song called “No one likes to be left out.”
How in heaven’s name is this show getting these great bands to play their show? I have seen The Shins and now Mates of State?!?! At least some good comes from this show.

DJ Lance says, “Listening and dancing to music is awesooooooooome! (Calder says it in unison.)
Oh no! Calder has now some of this twaddle memorized? I seriously need to recheck our DVR and make some adjustments!

I do not know what is sadder, the fact that I took notes on this show, or the fact that I just spent over an hour typing up my findings. They are both equally sad. I live a pathetically boring existence.