In a show of unity today, stating that we will all stay off drugs, my entire school made a human chain around our school. I felt very united.
My experience with the human chain made me realize just how lucky I was to be the missing link. I held my head high as I held the hands of two six year olds and shouted to the heavens, “DREAMS, NOT DRUGS!”
Now that I have completed this truly bonding experience, I have decided to provide my readers with a basic outline of when forming a human chain is appropriate, just so you are aware.
WHEN FORMING A HUMAN CHAIN IS APPROPRIATE:
1. When stopping someone from chopping down a tree.
2. When you are in a Coca Cola commercial.
3. When you are teaching a group of kids to say no to drugs.
4. When you are playing “Crack the Whip” or “Red Rover”.
5. If you are in a huge musical production and at the end of the show the crowd is cheering wildly for you.
6. When you are attempting to save a dangling man from a cliff.
7. If you are a polygamist on a date.
8. If you are performing a séance.
9. If you are a Rockette.
10. Whenever you are sandbagging.
WHEN FORMING A HUMAN CHAIN IS NOT APPROPRIATE:
1. While standing at the urinals at the football game.
Not that it would be impossible, unless of course the urinators are highly trained to be able to go with no hands, but the odds of that happening are slim to nil.