Cathi returns with honor.

Cathi is back from her trip with the Young Women.  She said she had a great time and it was much more up her ally than trek.  (Her hatred of trek has been way overblown I think.  It really wasn't that bad, it just wasn't her cup of tea.  Of course, she doesn't drink tea, so nothing is really her cup of tea.  I guess if there was a tea that she liked, it would probably be herbal tea.  So, herbal tea might just be her cup of tea.  I will get back to you.)

It has been strange having Cathi gone so much.  I like to pretend that she is a successful business woman has to go on business trips.  Old, dependable dad gets to stay home and take care of the kids.  When she gets back, she is so grateful that she has such a wonderful husband that takes care of the kids.  Boy, I am an amazing man!  

I took the boys to Cherry Hills with my parents and siblings.  They had a blast, but I am not too fond of the sleeping situation at that place.  You can hear every dog bark, ever child cry and every car drive past.  I had a terrible time sleeping with all these distractions.  But I didn't have nearly the night that Ike and Janna had.  Their kid ate too many Cheetos and puked all over their sleeping bags and tents.  They spent half the night cleaning up the tent.   Poor Jana had vomit all over her sleeping bag. She had to sleep with a wet towel as a blanket the rest of the night. 

Thanks Ike for the tickets!  Thanks Mom and Pa for the rest.  The boys had the time of their lives.  

Finally, my dad sent me this advertisement that he thought was clever.  Lincoln has watched it several times and finds it funny.

Stuff you should not own if you are Mormon.

I was commenting on my sister-in-law's blog yesterday, and I thought that subject needed a posting all it's own.  

If you are LDS, and I assume that you most likely are if you are reading my blog, then you need to know not to purchase the below items.  If you are not LDS, thank you for visiting my blog and would you like some missionaries to come visit you?  Just kidding.  Actually, if you are not LDS, most of the same list holds true if you have any friends or extended relatives.

Things you should not own:

1. A boat.  

This one goes without saying.  Sure, boats are generally fun if you like wiping out on water skis and circling a floating man in the water 6 times before he is finally able to grab the rope.  But, a boat is a death wish if you have any sort of youth in your ward.  Every BYC meeting, your name will be brought up as a "potential boat person".  You will then be asked to subject your boat to a week of dragging a "water weenie" full of 6 screaming girls around a lake until one of them gets hurt.   This of course, does not apply to really rich wards in which everyone owns a boat.

As I have mentioned before, boats are always the first thing people bring up in Sunday School when asked the question, "What are some things that people put before God in their lives?"  First answer - boats!  You may have a boat that you have owned for years, never driven on Sunday and rarely drive now.  But in the eyes of most, if you are a boat owner, you are Satan's spawn.  Good luck getting that temple recommend renewed in two years!

2. A pickup truck.  

The first thing the bishop thinks when you pull up in your pickup truck at church is, "Scoutmaster!"  Only men with pickup trucks can tow all that crap up canyons and over rocky mountains.  In addition, every time someone moves in or out, in Elder's Quorum they will say, "hey, Joey's got that pickup truck."  You need to ask yourself - What do I really want to be doing every Saturday morning?

3. A giant snowblower.  

Not a big one here, but if you have one of these, people expect a lot out of you.  One of our older neighbors has one and you can depend on him to go up and down the street during every major snowstorm.  It got so I gave him an hour buffer before I even went out with my shovel.  No use in shoveling if the SB 5000 would be heading down the pavement soon.

During our last big snowstorm of the winter (which was what, like April this year?), there was no sign of the snow killer on wheels.  One of my neighbors actually had the gumption to come and complain to me. "If I had one of those, I would do the whole ward" he had said. Turns out, the old guy had gone out and had a heart attack while getting the snow blower out.  What this shows us is that if you own one of these behemoths and just snow blow your own walk, people will think you are a jerk.  And if you go up and down the street, you better plan on doing that for the rest of your life, or until you have a heart attack.  Whatever comes first.

4. An in ground swimming pool. 

 

A swimming pool is a stupid thing to own for lots of other reasons, but here is one reason specifically for the LDS crowd. 

Do you really want to have this conversation with your ward scoutmaster?

SM: Can we use your pool to get our swimming merit badge?

You: Uh, yeah, I guess.  When do you want to use it?

SM: Tuesday afternoon at 4:30.  We will have 57 boys there.

You: Hmm, okay.  Well, I have to work until 6:00.

SM: Could we just let ourselves in?  We will clean it up real good like after we are done.

You: How many boys did you say there would be?

SM: 57.  Oh, and they will be wearing pants in the pool.  They have to blow them up like a balloon to make themselves float. 

You: How many leaders will there be?

SM: If you count the Varsity boys as leaders, there will be 10.

You: Are the Varsity boys considered leaders?  How many of them will there be?

SM: Well, according to rule 14-2 of the scouter manual, they can be considered leaders when within 5 miles of the vicinity of their own home. Oh, and there will be 9 of them.

You: So, you, 9 Varsity scouts and 48 regular scouts? Can't you do it at 7:00, when I will be home?

SM: No, the Varsity scouts don't count as the regular scouts.  And we can't do it at 7:00 because there is a Jazz game on that night and the Junior High is having their dance recital.

You: How many boys dance in the dance recital?

SM: None, but they want to go support their friends that are girls.

You: Oh boy.

SM: So, what do you say?

You: Okay. 

SM: Great!  Will you leave the back door open in case we need to to to the bathroom?  I'll make the boys take off their wet long pants before they go in.

SEE WHAT I MEAN!  DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS?  DON'T GET A POOL!

5. A summer home within 100 miles.

I am not really sure when the church rule that you can not go more than 100 miles away from SLC came about, but when it did I am sure the sales of summer homes exactly 100 miles away from the SLC area skyrocketed.

Girls camp, scout camp, the ward camp out and nursery camp all have the potential to be held in the back yard... of your summer home!  Just ask Cathi.  She is at someone else's summer home right now for girls camp. 

Of course, I will never have to worry about owning any of these items.  I am a teacher.

Are there any other things I need to add to this list?  Let me know.

Scooter v. Laptop

V.

Cathi has left the boys home alone yet again to go to girl's camp.  She has also left me with a  very mentally stiff challenge.  Determine best how to spend our money.  

The truth is that I was the one that decided that we needed to spend more money.  Sure, the market is crap right now and the economy is in shambles.  But there is never a bad time to get more worthless junk.  Am I right or am I right? Or am I right?  Right?

The dilemma is this: A scooter or a new laptop computer?  I have carefully weighed and considered the pros and cons.  I have come up with the following list:

The Scooter

Pros - 

1. Scooters get 90 MPG.  My school is a scant 12 miles away and I could easily drive there on warm weather days.  I would even be able to take backstreets all the way there so I would not be in any imminent danger.  We figure a scooter would pay itself off after a short year and a half.  

90 MPG!  Not even Marty McFly's Delorean got that and it ran on mostly garbage!

Speaking of gas prices - I was at the local Right Aid the other day and I noticed that the price of petroleum jelly has not gone up at all.  Not one cent!  How could that be?  This makes me wonder why the world scientists can not build a car that runs purely on petroleum jelly.  The only negative I can see is that the gas station lines would be insanely long while people try and shake the jelly off their fingers and into their tank two fingers at a time.  (Kevin Nealon 2007)

2. A scooter will help build my reputation as somewhat of a "tough guy".  Lets face it, my Hyundia Elentra is just not cutting it for me in the manly department.  When people see a scooter coming, especially if it is over 150 CC (no idea what that means), they move out of the way and show some respect.

3.  There is a mysterious shroud around the scooter that is irresistibly alluring.  When you see a person on a motorcycle, you think, "There goes a hard core biker bad a**!"  When you see someone on a scooter you think, "What kind of person drives a scooter?"  I like people wondering what kind of man I am.  It is mysterious.

4. It will give me a chance to finally wear my scooter bodysuit that will help cut down on wind resistance...

Cons:

1. Scooters are dangerous.  People die when they scoot at lightning speeds.  

2. A scooter is not very efficient in snowy weather.  Except of course, for this all weather scooter, but I can't afford that...

3. Some people make fun of people that drive scooters.  My feelings are as delicate as a soft ice cream cone served up melted at your local Chuck-A-Rama.  I don't have room in my life for more bullies.  And people that bully scooterers are not the kind of bullies you want to be sharing a fish fillet with at the local DQ, if you know what I mean?  

4.  Scooters are lame.

Laptop

Pros:

1. No more sharing my laptop with Cathi.  Now we can both sit and enjoy the internet together, hand in hand, on our separate sites, while we ignore our kids.

2. A laptop would allow us to scrap our enormous piece of crap desktop that we have had since the internet was invented by Al Gore in 1997.  Although, I would hate to see it go.  When you have had a piece of machinery as long as we have, a little piece of you is inside of it and stays there forever.  This is really true.. I have been secretly using the CD tray to cut my toenails with in the wintertime.  That thing is full of discarded toe nail clippings!

3.   A laptop makes us look hip.  I want to take it to a Starbucks and sit and type like I am working on a business proposal or writing a scathing anti-war article.  People would stop for a moment to see what I was so intently writing about.  I would turn around and nod at them and mumble, "got a big proposal at work coming up.  Damn thing needs to be done by Friday."  Or, "Something needs to be done.  People are dying over there!"

4. Laptops are more environmentally friendly.  They take less parts to make and are primarily made of a mixture of sapphire, goat's milk and the left behind, hardened part of a beehive.  All biodegradable!  

Cons:

1. You cannot ride a laptop to work.

2. When robots rule the world, the first people they will be attacking are the ones with laptops.  It makes complete sense because laptop people are the most technologically savvy and would be the first to foil their plans.  Also, because people with laptops are usually colossal jerks to robots in general.  

3. Laptops will be outdated within 10 years.  By then, they will have iHand.  It will be a small screen, digital computer that will be implanted directly into the palm of your hand.  It will do everything that an iPhone or a laptop can do and you will even be able to sleep with it.  For an extra $200, Apple will implant inner body headphones.  They will have a cord that runs from the inside of your hand to your eardrum. You can listen to your iPod or talk on the phone and no one will even be able to tell.  It might be worth it to just wait for this gadget.

4.  A laptop gets 0 MPG.

So, what should it be?  Leave your opinion below and vote in the poll!

Grooming question -

Where should I trim my toe nails?  No matter where I trim them, they seem to fly all over and Cathi finds them.  I have tried the bathtub, the laundry room and on our bedspread.  I always clean up all the clippings I can find.  However, she always finds the one I missed and she is always disgusted and frustrated.  I have resigned myself to cutting my toenails outside in the garden.  (Hmm, are snails attracted to toenails?)  

Does anyone have a method of cutting toenails without having the clippings fly everywhere?  It is fine for me in the summer, but I have come close to getting frostbite in the winter. 

If no one has a method, that is one invention that is certainly worth investigating.  I will have to include it on my list of stuff to invent before I die.  I will get to it right after I finish my golden bookshelf.  Now where did I put my hammer?

Garden snails and other shelled creatures.

Snails or slugs have invaded our backyard gardens and devoured the vegetation with their sharp teeth, razorlike claws and acidic values.

It is a little known fact that the common garden snail is the crunchiest animal on the planet.  When a large amount of pressure is placed on the back of one of these slime-infested goo balls, the shell will disgorge and the remaining ooze will overflow like a popping zit.  One of my favorite pastimes is to throw these slushy creatures into the road and watch their failed efforts to survive.  

If God wanted these snails to survive, why did he make their shells so flimsy?  The tortoise has a strong, stalwart shell.  If I found a tortoise in my garden, I do not have the physical strength or the mental willpower to throw it high enough to crack the shell.  I doubt that most humans do. (Maybe Ike.)  If, however, miniature tortoises infested our gardens and ate our crops, would it be commonplace to see people throwing them into the street?  Personally, I think that you would. However it would require a much higher arc and perhaps an increase in velocity to break the shell of a miniature tortoise.  Perhaps gathering a bag full of them and placing it under your car tire might be a better option.  Of course, you would then have the problem of tortoise guts stuck to your tires.

Hermit crabs have tough shells, but I am fairly sure they don't grow their own shell like the garden snail does.  Yep, just researched it, they don't.  Hermit Crabs must be like the hobos of the sea.  Their shells serve as a sort of "shopping cart" for them to carry all their hermitting crud in.  I once broke open a Hermit Crab shell and I found a very tiny roll of toilet paper, a tube of chap stick and a John Denver mixed tape.  Oh, and I also found a small bottle of vaseline for shell chafing, a common problem for the undersea wanderers.

If I found Hermit crabs in my garden, I would do them no harm.  I feel bad for the homeless, however I rarely just give them money.  I had a friend once that served soup at a soup kitchen for the wealthy homeless people.  (They have really nice soup at those places!  It is all slow churned and nothing but the best breadsticks.)  He told me that the poor homeless that would come in would be sent to the west side where they would beg and then spend their money on Lick-A-Stick and Chums (Those things that were popular in the 80's that you would hang your sunglasses from.)

No, I would take a different approach to the Hermit Crab trespassers.  I would drive them to a nice Denny's and buy them all a Grand Slam breakfast.  I am sure they would appreciate it and maybe they would even put some of my "Vote for Obama 08" bumper stickers on their shells.

I have heard that if you put beer in your garden that the snails will get drunk, pass out on their buddies sofas and in the morning they will either be hung over or dead.  I have tried to put beer in our garden, but I think our real hobos keep taking it.  Perhaps I should try opening the bottles? 

If you pour salt on a garden snail it disintegrates into thin air like that insane sand man on The Incredible Hulk.  Well yes, this is very true.  The only problem with covering my garden with salt is that we will have the neighborhood dogs licking our rhubarb plants and nobody wants that.

Cheeseboy Book Club: The Calder Game

As promised, here is the book review for my just completed book, The Calder Game. 

Unless your aged 14 - 16 years old or really bored, don't read it.  Only took me 370 pages to realize it.

It will not earn a spot on my yet to be created "Cheeseboy Golden Bookshelf of Honor".

Oh crap, I forgot to buy the wood and screws for that thing.   

No stand up dentists aloud!

I had three cavities to fill yesterday.  That is three more than I had before I was 17 years old.  The dentist tells me that the acid from my acid reflux is ruining my teeth too.  Sometimes it seems like I am running from one health scare from another.  I run myself in circles and I end up right back with the same health problem. Only when I see it again, it has mutated and it now wants to swallow my teeth.

We have a new dentist who I really like.  Unfortunately, he also is downright funny.  I am not an anti-dentite or anything, but a funny dentist need not be funny while dentisting.  

The dentist had numbed the bottom half of my mouth.  From my viewpoint, there was a clamp on my gum that looked a little like a rounded clothespin with a small Betty Boop logo on it.  (Again, I could only see it by looking straight down my nose.  It was a weird angle.)  I also had 3 large pieces of guaze pads surrounding the tooth that was to be excavated.  I was in no position to be entertained.  

While preparing his dentist devices and tools, the dentist begins to tell me about how he had purchased some old Kung Fu movies that he loved as a boy.  He then goes on to explain how he took these Kung Fu movies on a road trip recently with his four boys (ages 4 - 15).  He then starts talking like one of his boys in a high sing song voice.  "Dad, this movie is really boring! Dad, they aren't even really punching each other.  I don't understand anything they are saying Dad!"

Okay, this may not be funny just reading it, but while your dentist is standing over you with a pick ax and a 30 bit drill, it can become a little humorous.  I began to chuckle and then a constant vocal laugh began to escape my pried open mouth.  When I laughed, a gauze pad slipped slightly down my throat and I began to cough.  The dentist then says to me, "Now really is not the time to laugh."  I gathered myself and replied, "Uh, owka, sowee."  

Jim Gaffigan Clip of the Week - Cake

Lumberjacks

According to a new book I just checked out at the library: The Alphabet of Manliness, lumberjacks evolved from pirates.  (See graphic on right.)

Sometimes, when I am lonely, I wish I were a lumberjack.  They almost always have big muscles and no one ever messes with them.  

I thought I wanted to be a lumberjack.  Then I thought, if I grew a beard and turned myself into lumberjack material, I would probably end up looking like this guy:

Not as cool as I thought.

Song of the Day - Weezer - Pork and Beans

Weezer is back!  Well, they really have not gone anywhere.  And while they have put out some excellent stuff, nothing really compares to their debut "Blue album".  Just checked out their newest album and it comes very close.  

Check out this video from their new album.  If you have not checked out this video yet, it is superb.  You must be familiar with internet video to find most of the references funny though.

By the way, I was a Weezer fan (like 311) long before they made it big.  I saw them with about 300 other people at the fairgrounds way before the Sweater song was even on the radio.

My Greatest American Hero

On the 4th of July, Provo has their Freedom Festival/Carnival/Miley Cyrus lap dance/ Happy hour with the Blue Men Group/ Republican party rally/ BYU pep rally.  This is an event where Hoagie Yougie lovers, Caffeine Free Diet Coke drinkers, Clean Flick renters, scooter enthusiasts, free-bee cheapskates and right wing Republicans gather each year to celebrate our country.  They do this by inviting home grown, family friendly entertainment acts that have the innocence and charm of a kitten licking a popsicle.   

This year, the folks in charge decided to make things extra special.  They had a brilliant idea that had only been seen previously in the media on shows like The Today Show and Good Morning America.  They invited 3 men in Iraq to join them live via satellite.  Their families would be held in a Cougar holding tank, where they would be able to talk live to their fathers and husbands.  It would be a beautiful moment that would allow all of Happy Valley to hold hands and weep.  Or so they thought.

When the men joined the Provo audience, they were met with cheers and much fanfare.  The audience embraced them as they spoke lovingly to their wives and children.  It was quite a moment as many in the audience were close to tears while watching the reunion of these families.

Before the presentation ended, one soldier had a very special message to share with the Provo audience.  Staff Sgt. Brock Jones stepped forward, unravelled a Ute jersey and yelled into the mike "GO UTES!"

The once heralded, once beloved soldier suddenly became enemy #1.  Boos rained down on him like he had just murdered Cosmo with a pitch fork.  It was surely the epitome of cougar class.  Way to boo a war hero, you stupid zoobies!

On the other hand, I had never been so proud to be an American.  BYU fans can send all the airplanes to our bowl games they want with banners on them like "4th and 19" and then claim it is only Ute fans that care about the rivalry.  But they will not be able to top this.  A true Ute, penetrating their forcefield of shame and guilt, proclaiming his love for the Utes.  Best of all, he was able to spoil their party.  Way to go Sergeant Jones!  You are an inspiration to the entire Ute nation.

***For those of you that are interested, there is some video of this event occurring.  To see it, you need to visit this website.  On the right hand side of the KUTV site, there is a video screen.  On the bottom of the little video screen, scroll over until you find the video entitled, "Party of Patriotism At Stadium of Fire".  Click on that video and you should see a true American and a true Ute.

Reward: Lost contact

I lost my contact in our neighbor's pool yesterday.  I told them it is mine if they find it.  There is a $20.00 reward for whomever finds it.  It is small, round and see through.  It is also cup shaped.  (Like the shape of the front of an eyeball.)  

Please contact me if you find it.

Biff and the Muscle Men

Sixth grade was the year I started collecting my "Muscle Men". It was a new toy fad sweeping the nation and by "nation" I mean all of my friends in Sugarhouse. 

Muscle men had to be the cheapest toy ever made that sold for more than ten bucks a package. The premise was simple: Small, pink men that are easily maneuverable by boy sized fingers for battling and other extravaganza. The idea was simple, but the manufactures were brilliant. They followed the Garbage Pail Kid rule of thumb: Make the toy collectable and spread the idea that many of them are rare. Kids will buy them in droves to try and get their

 favorites and the continue to buy until they have collected them all. It worked, at least it worked at Uintah Elementary School.

I owned roughly 75 of these collectable figurines. I do not remember how I had that many as I really did not have any money to speak of and my parents assuredly did not purchase more than five for me. I can only assume that as the most popular kid in the 6th grade, I was simply given them by fellas that wanted to be my friend. I recall being friends with just about everyone back then. Now I know why.
Even though I probably had more Muscle Men than anyone in school, I wanted more than anything to own the Muscle Men toy that was unmatched by any other. The cream of the crop. The superlative trophy. The supreme wrestling status symbol... The Muscle Man Wrestling Ring!

I knew my parents would not fork out $29.99 for a plastic piece of crap that looked like small box with two forks in it. I also knew most of my good friends also had parents with an equally level head and a frugal mind. My birthday was in April and I had only one choice - invite Peter.

Peter was a casual friend. I never played with him at recess much as he was always involved in make believe robot games or playing in his "Choose Your Own Adventure" secret club. I, on the other hand, would be playing football, (tackle only when teachers were not looking) basketball or soccer. Peter also had a problem with nose picking. His nickname was "Biff" and on more than one occasion, our teacher, who was known as being quite rude, interrupted one of Biff's nose picking sessions. "BIFF", he would say: "Pick a winner?" Needless to say, "Pick a winner Biff?" became one of the most recognizable quotes around the school yard.

It was well known by all that Biff's parents had a lot of money. Several of the other members of his Choose Your Own Adventure club had told me of the awesome gifts he had given them at their parties. My parents, being the compassionate disciplinarians that they were, informed me that I was to only invite 5 boys to my party. This was quite a quandary. Five boys? Well, I was friends with at least quadruple that! I must choose wisely.

I was in my 3rd day of fasting and prayer when the realization came to me to invite Peter. Who cares that when we went to the museum and had to place items in a tray to grow mold, he threw in three buggers? Who cares if he still brought a light saber to school in his backpack? Who even cares that he was able to crack bones I had never heard crack before! He was to become one of my best fake friends in the whole world, especially if he could buy me a Muscle Men Wresting Ring.

After I had passed out the invites, word quickly spread around school about who was invited to my party. More importantly, word as to who was not invited spread even faster. Even though I felt the brunt of the jealousy, anger and resentment, I was content with my decisions. I did what I had to do. It was that simple.

As I recall, the party was exceptional and the gifts were ultra cool. I had mentioned to Peter that I had wanted a wrestling ring, but I was sure my parents would not be purchasing it for me. I can still see the glow in Peter's eyes as he heavy heavy hangovered my poor head that night. He was more excited to give me that gift than I was to receive it. This was his ticket into the cool zone. "Biff the picker" would soon become "Peter the amazing". A twinge of guilt fell through my body as a ravaged through the Snoopy paper to the box. I had used this poor sap and the poor sap was using me. At that moment, I promised myself that I would be extra nice to Biff, err Peter, for the rest of the year.

The Muscle Men wrestling ring is the best present I got that year...twice! My parents had been listening, and despite their repeated warnings that they would not be giving me a 30 dollar piece of plastic crap, (in so many words) they came through big time. I was grateful for both the rings, but for some reason, the Biff ring was more valuable to me. Even though he had not payed a dime for it, he knew it was his best shot at my friendship. I held onto Peter's toy and gave the other one to my best friend Craig at his birthday party.

Speaking of birthday parties, Biff's birthday just so happened to be the next month. I was the only non-Choose Your Own Adventurer that was on the guest list. Despite this normally disheartening fact, I merrily went, fully expecting an average to below average time. Sure enough, we played Dungeons and Dragons, watched "Caveman" and ate Chinese food. 

Even as an eleven year old boy, I could tell that Caveman was assuredly the lamest movie I had ever seen. And even though I had played Dungeons and Dragons with my normal friends, these guys took the game to a new level. Even if I had been a 4th degree Dungeon Master, I still would have been dreadfully lost. Yet, I persevered through the sleepover and at times I found myself actually enjoying the company of the geeks. I was proud of that night and at that moment I felt as though I had graduated from Elementary School.

Never again did I call Peter "Biff". We ended the school year as much closer friends.  I think once or twice I may have even played Choose Your Own Adventure with him during recess. Okay, I may not have actually played, but I am pretty sure I was an honorary member of the club anyway.

Jim Gaffigan Clip Of The Week: 4th Of July

Let me introduce to you a new series on my blog...Jim Gaffigan - my favorite stand up comic.  Tonight's episode: The Forth Of July

The Parade of Crappy Candy, Redneck Vehicles and Darling Cloggers

It's the 4th of July in Murray Utah, and the mood is that of festive brilliance.  We have the obligatory Utah Scout flag posted in our front yard and I salute it every time I walk by.  

We actually live in the absolute perfect place for 4th of July festivities.  We live 2 blocks from the parade route, we can see the fireworks perfectly from our front yard and there is a guy on our street names "Sam" and I am pretty sure he is someone's uncle.

In this picture the boys are waving their free flags for kids. Luckily, the company that passed them out made sure the tips were sharpened to a deadly point, for the kids. 

The Murray parade has to be the largest in Utah on the 4th.  There were plenty of floats and bands.  There were also about 7 floats from surrounding cities.  However, the very best float came from our neighboring stake, the Murray Stake. (We are in Murray South) It had all of the old Murray staples - Two giant smokestacks in the back, the Murray Park archway and the world famous Murray wooden indian. Lincoln loved this one because it had very colorful characters and such familiar landmarks for him.  I hope it wins a prize in the 24th parade.

Of course, one of the staples of the community parade is the throwing of the world class crappy candy.  Calder is risking his life by darting out into the street for a simple Tootsie Roll. Had he been trampled by the oncoming old lady cloggers, at least it would have been somewhat worth it...It was a lemon Tootsie Roll.  I love those!

Calder loves to practice his parade wave.  I think here he is waving to the Riverton Days of 47 Royalty.  Actually, it might have been Cottonwood Heights.  Either way, he was waving at ugly girls.

Just when I thought the parade was over,  I saw a giant Barak Obama staring in my direction.  It was good to see him there, since I am endorsing him for President and all.  I am not sure, but I think this float was made out of old sock puppets.  

We kept looking for David Archuletta, but since he was too good for Murray, (never mind the enormous banner of him hanging across the street) the giant Barak may have been the most famous thing there... EXCEPT for Mayor Snarr's handlebar mustache of course.

After the parade, I decided to try my first nonstop jog since the 18 miler.  Success!  It felt so good getting out the old running shoes again.  Maybe I will try for the Top of the Mountains marathon in September.

Oh yes.  I almost forgot to tell you about a very fun tradition our neighborhood has.  This guy in our neighborhood owns a huge truck with a water tank on the back.  On the 4th of July they travel around the neighborhood and shoot people with water.  Once you've been drenched, you're invited on the back of the truck to get other people.  By the time they came to our house, there were probably 30 people in the back with water guns and the hose.  They soaked Lincoln and I until we pled for mercy.  We then jumped on board and joined in the hunt.  

We sprayed a couple more people and then we headed to the man's McMansion about two blocks up from ours.  He has an enormous hill in his backyard.  He had layed out a long slab of plastic and turned on the sprinklers.  Lincoln was overjoyed with frenzy as he flew down the plastic sheet at breakneck speeds.  What an awesome tradition and a fun day.  We have the coolest neighborhood.