Wednesday, April 27, 2011

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good Cheeseman.

The comment was seemingly harmless but a perfectly placed jab of wittiness:

"How can you be a man?  I don't believe it."


I can't believe I am defending myself here, but I am a man.

Sure, my last few posts have been a bit, shall we say, "girly".  I mean, what man in his right, straight mind would write about a future princess, Easter Egg hunts and a story one of their first grade students wrote?

I suppose in a way, my blog is like Redbook magazine: Women love it and their husbands will eventually read it if it sitting around the toilet for any reasonable amount of time.

The truth is, I AM a man, and I don't need Donald Trump to request my birth certificate or even a doctor request that I turn my head and cough to prove it. No, I've got your proof right here...

- I can still name every member of the original Olympic "Dream Team". Yes, even Cheryl Miller.

- I listen to sports talk radio every morning and afternoon on my commute.

- I can name every song from Pearl Jam's first three albums.  And Alice In Chain's.  And Soundgarden's. And Celine Dion's*.

- I watch Wipe Out for two reasons: 1. To see people get smacked in the face.  2. For quick glimpses of that girl that talks to the contestants.

See, I waxed but I am still a man!
- I have burned off my arm hair several times with a gas grill.

- I have, or had arm hair.

- Some of my favorite movies are The Shawshank Redemption, American History X and Moulin Rouge*.

- I once changed my own oil in my car - and I did it with a bloody finger - just the skin around my cuticle, but it was bleeding alright.

- I eat hamburger on my steak on top of a giant platter of bacon.

- After I shave, I use Old Spice on my face and vinegar on my eyebrow.

- I can bench 100.  Or 200.  What's a lot? ((Not sure.)) Forget it, name it and I'll bench it.

Clearly, I have proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I am in fact, a male human.  The problem remains that if I write about sports and violent movies and hamburgers, I would lose 85% of my followers. So I will continue to try and entertain by being sissy.  Deal with it, sistas!

*Ah, crap!

63 comments:

  1. My Oatmeal KissesApril 27, 2011 at 9:44 PM

    He is a man people! He just has a woman's sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ShannonApril 27, 2011 at 9:47 PM

    I don't know. I was convinced until I saw Moulin Rouge on your favorite movie list. That is one hell of a girlie movie. But since it is my all time favorite I take your word for it. At least you have taste!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Logical LibbyApril 27, 2011 at 9:48 PM

    You listen to talk radio? So, you're an old man?

    ReplyDelete
  4. DB StewartApril 27, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    Don't tell anyone but I like Moulin Rouge too. It's like Shakespeare on crack. It makes me antsy though so I have to watch Braveheart immediately afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oilfield TrashApril 27, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    This was good except for the Celine Dion part.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oilfield TrashApril 27, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    Oh and I agree with you on sports radio. I listen to that on an am station and it drives my kids batshit crazy on the way to school.

    ReplyDelete
  7. mintifreshApril 27, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    I'm not sure how to respond except that your favorite movies makes me wonder about my gender seeings how they are on my list and that picture of Celine may give me nightmares tonight.

    Oh and meat...goooooood

    ReplyDelete
  8. HeidiApril 27, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    HAHAHA!!!!!

    Dude, you are hilarious! MAN!

    My favorite was when you said,

    "I eat hamburger on my steak on top of a giant platter of bacon."

    You sir, are a hero. A man's man. A guy's guy. (are there enough man references there?)

    Seriously though, who would ask you that? Hopefully someone online, not in real life....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Joann MannixApril 27, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    I don't even know where to start except I think this surpasses pooping in the pants.

    First of all, I'm not really sure but even though I've been diagnosed with too much estrogen thereby deeming me unqualified to ever catch a ball, I might still be more manly only because I can name every Pearl Jam song ever written but I cannot name anything by Celine. It might have something to do with my lust for Eddie Vedder. I can only assume it's the same for you.

    Also too, I love that part in Moulin Rouge where Nicole Kidman...Oh why am I even talking about this. YOU know what I mean. LOL, sister.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kate GeisenApril 27, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    You had me at eyebrow.

    My husband loves sports talk radio. I listen to it only as long as it takes me to realize that he left his man station on my radio. I also retaliate by leaving HIS radio on rap stations. But I digress.

    My 18 year old son LOVES Moulin Rouge. Of course, he's a self-professed drama geek, but he is, indeed, male.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AlexandraApril 27, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    You are a dream man, which makes us say, in disbelief, "how can you be a man? you're cool enough to be a woman."

    And women are usually my favorite people..they are just so funny, cool, hip, and...FUNNY.

    So, disbelief in you being a man? A compliment like you wouldn't believe.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kristina P.April 27, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Have you texted pictures of your penis to anyone? I think that makes a real man.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The Bipolar DivaApril 27, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    Only a man would have written about poop in the urinals. I got ya covered!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dazee DreamerApril 27, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    OK, I have to say, I must be a man too because I like the same 3 movies you do. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bill LislemanApril 27, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    "eventually read it if it sitting around the toilet for any reasonable amount of time" - you just created the new standard for readership.

    ReplyDelete
  16. MelindaApril 27, 2011 at 11:18 PM

    What? Nothing about burping or farting or scratching? I don't know, those are the things that make my husband a man.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousApril 28, 2011 at 12:03 AM

    I never doubted for a minute.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AGuidingLifeApril 28, 2011 at 3:46 AM

    vinegar? Mars really is a different world.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Kathy LowreyApril 28, 2011 at 5:26 AM

    Why do you use vinegar on your eyebrows?

    ReplyDelete
  20. imbeingheldhostageApril 28, 2011 at 5:44 AM

    Women like a man in touch with his Celine Dion side, didn't you know that?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Alex J. CavanaughApril 28, 2011 at 5:58 AM

    I was starting to question after the Celine Dion answer, but the Wipe Out comment saved you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. PearlApril 28, 2011 at 6:14 AM

    Whew! Well I'm glad we've cleared that up then!

    :-)

    I've never doubted you...

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
  23. -stephanie-April 28, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    I would still read if you just wrote about hamburgers.

    ReplyDelete
  24. ChristineApril 28, 2011 at 6:35 AM

    Ya but can you use a concrete chain saw and cut bigger windows into your basement?

    ReplyDelete
  25. PedalingApril 28, 2011 at 7:07 AM

    a man who embraced his feminine side, as only a real man can do.

    ReplyDelete
  26. lifeshighwayApril 28, 2011 at 7:10 AM

    You could be a man, but my husband gets immediate headaches when I try to watch Moulin Rouge. You may or may not have burned off your arm hair because I suspect I am seeing an arm rug.

    ReplyDelete
  27. UnknownApril 28, 2011 at 7:12 AM

    Yea, you maybe should have left out that part about Moulin Rouge :) Seriously, though.. I LOVE that you can name every song from Soundgarden's first three albums... you ROCK!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. CperzApril 28, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    As I was reading your post, I was goin' "Oh yeah, he's definitely a guy right up to the words Moulin Rouge. Of course, then you turned it right back to "yep, he's a dude, alright" when you said you watched Wipeout. Such a guy thing.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Living LifeApril 28, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    I am feeling the male testosterone here! Wait. Did you say you could name every Celine Dion song?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Impulsive AddictApril 28, 2011 at 8:00 AM

    I've never questioned your manhood. I do believe you are a man. I just think you may be in touch with your feminine side more so than the average Joe. I'm thinking you may be a little metro-sexual too with all the arm waxing and vinegar dabbling.....

    We're not judging. We're just laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Bossy BettyApril 28, 2011 at 8:39 AM

    We WUV you, Cheeseboy!

    ReplyDelete
  32. PatApril 28, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    You had me convinced until I saw Moulin Rouge. One step forward...two steps back!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hart JohnsonApril 28, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    See the PROBLEM is that I can name all the grunge songs, change my oil (even with a bloody finger--hell, I've changed TIRES) and I don't even know any Celine Dion... And I am most definitely NOT a man... though your case with the arm hair is probably a good one. I don't have much of that.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Middle-aged Mormon ManApril 28, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    A Shakespeare would put it:
    "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

    Funny, funny stuff. Cheeseboy. Nay, CheeseMAN.

    ReplyDelete
  35. laughingmomApril 28, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    Perhaps you should post a vlog of you eating a "bacon explosion."

    ReplyDelete
  36. UnknownApril 28, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    What a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty man.

    Thanks for keeping me diverse by being my token male blogging buddy.

    I owe all my political correctness to you and LG.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Sara @ Domestically ChallengedApril 28, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    I never questioned it. Hmm. Maybe I should?

    ReplyDelete
  38. UnknownApril 28, 2011 at 11:33 AM

    Hahaha!!! We would love whatever you wrote. I love how you threw in Celine Dionne and Moulin Rouge. Ha! Your sense of humor would be appreciated by any living creature. My potted plants are cracking up over here.

    ReplyDelete
  39. PBJdreamerApril 28, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    Vlog it up over here!!

    You manly man you



    heee

    that is all

    ReplyDelete
  40. Lisa LooApril 28, 2011 at 11:50 AM

    After watching all your videos--if you are not a man then I will have to seriously rethink everything I have ever thought about womanhood.......

    ReplyDelete
  41. LourieApril 28, 2011 at 12:49 PM

    Moulin Rouge? Well I guess. You didn't list any suspicious TV shows. So I will just take your word for it. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  42. Chris PhillipsApril 28, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    I had to take a quick feel of my nuts after watching Moulin Rougue, just to make sure they were still there. Can't believe you liked it. I'm going to have to ask you to hand in your man card for that.

    ReplyDelete
  43. EmmyApril 28, 2011 at 1:44 PM

    What is the name of the girl that talks to the contestants on Wipeout?? Actually if you are a man you might not know as you are just too busy checking out her assets.

    Poor Cheesboy having to defend his manhood :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. AnonymousApril 28, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    Oh this sista is dealin' with it!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Beth ZimmermanApril 28, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    You're gonna have manly cholesterol issues if you eat hamburger on steak on bacon too often!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 28, 2011 at 6:13 PM

    You are THE man, without a doubt. Please don't do any more hot wax stunts to prove it.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  47. MissyApril 28, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    There is no doubt you are a man!
    A man with an ovary! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  48. ShawnApril 28, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    First time here and I have to say I believe you're a man. Only a truly secure man would proclaim his love for Celine. Do you like Cher too?

    ReplyDelete
  49. Sweet Bee CottageApril 28, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    Cheeseboy - I have missed coming by and I vow to never miss a blog post of yours - whether it is perfect or not. I mean, is life worth living without cheese? I think not!

    ReplyDelete
  50. corkyApril 28, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    Alas, I have the same problem...though I definitely have a "Y" chromosome, I watch Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, and When Harry Met Sally whenever they come on. However, for you skeptics, I am currently watching the NFL draft. FOOTBALL! If that isn't manly, I don't know what is!

    Enjoy your blog. Keep up the great writing!

    ReplyDelete
  51. baygirl32April 28, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    can't stop laughing at the missing stripe of arm hair

    ReplyDelete
  52. AishaApril 28, 2011 at 9:09 PM

    Wow- thanks for the hair shot. Really. lol.

    ReplyDelete
  53. LazarusApril 28, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    Cheesey One, thanks for the tips, I now see that by feminine myself down a bit, I might grow my followership, appreciate the insights!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Desperate HousemommyApril 29, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    Ha! With regard to your blog being like a Redbook magazine? I physically put my MacBook in my groom's lap the other evening so that he might get a guffaw from your open letter to Kate Whats-Her-Name.

    He read through it with a furrowed brow, looked up at me, and went, "Hmmmmm. I thought she was supposed to be the next princess of the people."

    *foreheadsmack* Men just don't get our humor, Cheese.

    ReplyDelete
  55. MarnieApril 29, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    You have to be a strong man to survive being a Grade 1 teacher. My daughter is in Grade 1 and their a tough crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Allyson & JereApril 29, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    THANK GOODNESS you cleared THAT up!
    Loved this post, and love that you can laugh at yourself with us. But frankly, if one look at that arm hair doesn't prove your true manhood to everyone, then I don't know WHAT will.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Pat TillettApril 29, 2011 at 4:48 PM

    You've convinced me!
    sort of....
    Hey, let's just say you have an amazing androgynous blog! Okay?

    ReplyDelete
  58. DB StewartApril 29, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    *laughing at what Missy said*

    ReplyDelete
  59. TeachinfourthApril 30, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    Wait, Moulin Rouge?

    Of course, I like that movie, too...crud.

    ReplyDelete
  60. FleaMay 1, 2011 at 12:55 AM

    I'm a woman and I've never seen Moulin Rouge. Heck, the only reason I knew there was a royal wedding was because of FaceCrack.

    You're going to have to do better than this ...

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  61. ConnieMay 1, 2011 at 7:14 AM

    I knew you were a man the moment I saw you in the Barney costume...you AND your eyebrow!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Jason, as himselfMay 1, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    You're the best kind of straight man there is!

    ReplyDelete
  63. MaceyMay 3, 2011 at 9:33 AM

    I'm totally LOLing at the Cheryl Miller comment!

    ReplyDelete

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