The Dos and Don'ts of Teacher Appreciation Week

I'm really not one to draw attention to myself.  

Alright, that was a blatant lie.  

I kinda crave the spotlight.  I think that is why I love Teacher Appreciation Week so very much.

I feel - as a teacher that deserves appreciation at an absolute miniscule level - that it is my duty to provide a helpful advice to parents to aid their understanding in how to appreciate your child's teacher in ways that will actually make them feel like a human that does not shop at the Dollar Store.

I give you, the Dos and Don'ts of Teacher Appreciation Week.  And let us begin...

DO:  Provide your child's teacher with a heartfelt note of thanks, expressing gratitude for their time and effort.
DON'T: Ask in the note where the teacher got the painting in their living room that your new binoculars have helped you see.

DO: Purchase a small gift, perhaps a gift card to the teacher's favorite restaurant.
DON'T: Wait on the teacher at the restaurant, especially if it happens to be Hooters. (Which it's not. But you know, just in case.)

DO: Send delicious treats throughout the week.
DON'T: Send shards of homemade groundhog jerky mixed with dried apricots.

DO: Decorate the teacher's door.
DON'T: Decorate the teacher's urinal.

DO: Tell the teacher thank you.
DON'T: Tell the teacher you can not say thank you without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball.

DO: Buy your teacher an extra large tee shirt with a logo of his or her favorite team.
DON'T: Buy them an extra small Speedo with a Hello Kitty logo across the butt.

DO: Spend $5 on a "World's Best Teacher" mug filled with money.
DON'T: Spend $5 on a "World's Best Teacher" mug filled with cocaine.

DO: Send your teacher a can of their favorite soda.
DON'T: Assume their favorite soda is Tab.

DO: Give your favorite teacher a gift card to Barnes & Noble.
DON'T: Give your favorite teacher free unlimited use of your library card.

DO: Give the teacher a gym pass.
DON'T: Tell them that this is what you thought they needed the most.

DO: Buy the teacher a gag gift that will make them laugh.
DON'T: Buy the teacher a gift that will make them gag.

DO: Yard work for the teacher.
DON'T: Do yard work for the teacher in your own yard.

I do hope you have found this short course on Teacher Appreciation helpful. Certainly, your child's teacher will be enormously thankful when she shows up with a cup full of money rather than a stuffed bear wearing a teacher sweater.

When they thank you, you can tell them that Cheeseboy gave you the idea; they'll know who I am.