The After Oprah Diaries

The following is a few of the scribbles I have jotted down in my journal on Thursday as I have begun the coping process of dealing with the tragic loss of our 'Beloved' Oprah.

(Thursday)

7:00 AM: I woke up this morning covered in soot from head to tow. I glanced around and realized that it was not soot that I was draped in, but a salty chrysalis had formed around my sleeping body because of the massive amount of tears that had dripped from my eyes while I slept.  

7:15: This bowl of cereal seems soggier than usual. I wonder what cereal Oprah would suggest? Oh right. Crap.

9:20 AM: Inspiring and teaching a group of first graders seems so pointless with Oprah off the air.

10:00: Alas recess!  I'm teetering between tears and acceptance and acceptance of my tears.  It is a three way teeter-totter. I mostly totter.  Teetering must come later. It's the tottering that sucks.  I'd kill for a teeter. Man, I am such a wreck right now!

12:00: Oprah.  

12:35: Pull it together man. You've got kids in there wanting to be taught and you are hovering in the corner of the hall and shaking uncontrollably.  Is this what Oprah would want?!  IS THIS WHAT OPRAH WOULD WANT?!

12:36: Answer: NO.

1:30: I am reading Oprah Magazine to my first graders. I don't even care. There's an article in this month's issue on 60 day liquid diets that I think we can all benefit from. I miss her already. 

2:27: I'm making a doll.  Well, a replica doll of Oprah. I am using yarn and paper mache and a stapler but it's not working. I'm getting really frustrated and the kids keep looking over at me and wondering why my arms are covered in paper mache and why I am yelling "FAVORITE THINGS" over and over.

2:45: Gave up on the doll.  Started drawing Oprah. Gave up on that too. Got out some Playdough.

2:55: My Playdough Oprah is complete. I had to use more Playdough than I did five years ago.  I should send this to Oprah. No, first I'll let it dry and then I'll send it to her. 

3:00: I really should get myself a pair of croc-skinned Crocs. (This thought non-Oprah related.)

3:30: That bush looks an awful lot like Steadman. 

4:00: Oprah's on!  

4:01: Ah crap. That's right. 

4:30: I am watching Dr. Phil and pretending that he is actually talking to Oprah. 

4:32: This is NOT working. Dr. Phil is actually talking to a prostitute with one leg.

5:00: Crying again. Not unusual this time. I always cry at 5:00.

5:15: Boy has this has been a long day. I wonder what Oprah is doing right now? She's probably with Gayle, getting a massage by the pool. I hate Gayle.

5:25: Why can't I be Gayle?

6:00: It's been a long day, journal.  I'll get back to you tomorrow.   I've got Dr. Oz on the DVR.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  It has to be easier than today.