A week in Cheeseboy Facebook status updates. (And Song of the Day.)

I put a lot of time and effort into my facebook status updates.  Nothing makes me happier and more fulfilled than a well crafted update.  The only things that I can think of that comes close are the births of my children and maybe the time I appeared in a major local television commercial at the age of 12.  Anyway, here are my last ten updates:


1. I have total and complete respect for Vegans. What I don't have respect for are cows and that is why I eat them.

2. Let it be known that on this, the 17th day of November, in the year of our Lord 2010; with my two boys screaming at each other in the back seat of my car at the top of their lungs, that I, Abe, threatened to convert the entire family to Jehovah's Witnesses and that I would be notifying Santa of our conversion via text message.

 

3. Grateful for grateful facebook status updates that inform me of what you are grateful for. Especially if that thing you are grateful for is me and my awesomeness.

 

4. If they really wanted to sell more Diaper Genies, they would make it so every time you opened it, Robin William's voice would yell, "GOOOOOD MORNING POOP BOMB!"

 

5. If I were the cab driver that picked up the losers that were fired on The Apprentice, I would totally rub it in their faces. Not because they lost, but because they were on 'The Apprentice'. And if they tried to make fun of me for being a cab driver, I'd tell them that I am actually a millionaire that owns a cab comp...any and I am on an episode of 'Undercover Boss'.

 

6. If the Nazis really wanted to get Indiana Jones to talk, they would have had him teach first graders on an "inside recess" day.

 

7. As a guy first grade teacher this year, I don't know how many times I have wondered if I could strangle myself with those darned silly bandz!

 

8. I swear that the old lady that gave me my voting card today is the same one that gives me free toothpicked sausage at Costco on Saturdays. I know this because she was wearing plastic gloves, smelled of Kilbasa and glared angrily at my starving children.

 

I'd also like to reboot an old Blog O' Cheese feature: the Song of the Day.  Today's song comes from a little band I have taken a liking to from Brooklyn.  They are known as "The National" and the song is called "Bloodbuzz, Ohio".  I can promise you this: listen to this song while running and you will run an average of 4-5 MPH faster.