A: They both have recently had a chupacabra found inside of them.
I tried to pull one out of my armpit last night, but the nasty little bugger wouldn't let go and now has set up a nesting zone. My chupacabra likes a place that is moist and smells like death to give birth to it's babies. (Although I am not really sure where the mating took place.)
Can I just say - and really, I am not asking your permission - that I am so insanely tired of writing about my body odor?! It really isn't all that fun a topic to blog about, although I am sure that it might be an interesting topic to read about. Or maybe not, I am not sure.
I am just glad that it is over with. Tomorrow, I plan on using the gel, the cream, the spray and then rolling around in baby powder. I am going to be so fresh and crisp, if I hugged Richard Simmons, he would actually look dry.
As it now stands, if we had a greasy contest, I think that I would edge out Richard Simmons by a pint or so. If we did actually hug, they would have to mop up the spot in which we stood. They would then have to drain that mop into a vacuum sealed plastic bag and mark it as hazardous waste.
What was I talking about again? Oh yes, the experiment. I learned 5 things:
1. Deodorant may not stop sweat or even make sweat smell like flowers, but it does make you feel like you are doing something and that feeling is worth it's weight in golden sweat drops.
2. Dreams about talking sticks of deodorant are downright disturbing but make for great blogging fodder.
3. Deodorant for the butt should be invented. (Butt not by me.)
4. My wife loves me.
5. Walking around a theme park all day long after not wearing deodorant for 6 straight days, and then sitting on a train with your two boys will make them pull faces like this:
I'm so glad the family survived your week of insanity. Ewww...just ewww. The look on your younger boy's face is just priceless!
ReplyDeleteHA! I love how all of your Google ads below your comment link are for deodorants!
ReplyDeleteyour kids deserve some sort of really cool prize for putting up with you this week. And your wife? one word. Tiffany's.
I had no idea what a chupacabra was, so I googled it. Now I'm even more confused.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that Ban, Gillette and Old Spice are all grateful to hear that you've ended your experiment...probably your family more so. Correct?
That picture is too funny! I bet your boys are great fun.
ReplyDeleteHas CPS been called yet?
ReplyDeleteNot sure if you live near me, but I was gonna have to say something. There was a NASTY odor drifting about, and all I could think was Cheeseboy has become the blob and taking over the world.
ReplyDeleteI for one, and GLAD the experiment is over.
: )
I wonder if this will be one of your boys most vivid childhood memories? Yeah probably not but the picture is great!
ReplyDeleteGlad you learned something - If I am ever in an elevator with you or something like that I will be thankful!!
I'm so glad you did this experiment and NOT my husband. I'm sure you two could duke it out for the top spot in this smelly competition. I must say that I'm grateful your children and wife are still alive. Wouldn't that be a sad way to end this existence? Layer up on the good stuff and start smelling like roses again.
ReplyDeleteYAY for your family for surviving your experiment! And yes, I would say the first thing you learned was that your wife loves you...otherwise you might be blogging about your future divorce!! lol
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm SO glad you all survived this ill fated experiment.
ReplyDeleteThank god that's over. (Just kidding--I love your creativity.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, once Richard Simmons bitch slapped my friend's brother in the airport because he made a rude comment about him. Then Richard Simmons was charged with assault.
True story.
Whew! The world can now take one big, collective breath.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for the son underneath your smelly armpit. Did he faint at any point?
And my Gigi girl is on the money, Tiffany's is in order for your lovely wife.
Lol. Remind me not to read that again when I'm eating. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you can go back to golden sweat drops again!!
The best thing about young boys is either they never noticed your stench or, they thought you were cool for smelling.
ReplyDelete"Maybe if we don't take our baths, we can smell just like daddy!"
Great picture!!
Loved the last picture--not the first. OOOOOOO.
ReplyDeleteYour wife threatened you, didn't she?
ReplyDeleteYou showered every day...if you didn't it would have been worse.
ReplyDeleteRichard Simmons...I just got a visual of you hugging him :0)))))).
Did you notice how far back the other people on the train are? Coincidence? I think not.
ReplyDeleteThank you for amusing us this week with your experiment.
Congrats on your 300+ followers. I bet the play tube at McD's will smell just like you did all this past week. Looking forward to the video from it.
I think it was something else besides a chupacabra living in your arm pits. I'm just too nice to tell you what I think they are;o)
ReplyDeleteBut if it is a chupacabra and it is having babies in your arm pits, I think I will be seeing you on the national news some day soon.
love the last pic! priceless :p
ReplyDelete~ash's mum
WHEW you made it. Never scare us like that again. We were actually thinking of calling 911 for your family. Enjoy soaping up tomorrow - it is going to be a great and smell-free day! W.C.C.
ReplyDeleteOh goody. I hear shares in Mennen Speed Stick were way down.
ReplyDeleteTalk about a party in your armpit.
ReplyDeleteDude--does that mean you are part goat?
Since I can't find your suggestion box--
I would like to add that if you attempt any future experiments that you would limit yourself to the physically painful and mortally humiliating kind.
So can't go with you down the {smelly} brick road.
bleck and double bleck
Wow! What a great family picture ;P
ReplyDeleteJust so everyone knows . . . . you are one lucky guy! After spending the whole day with you at Lagoon, I never once noticed a disgusting smell coming from you. And I have an extra sensitive nose so this is a big compliment to you!
Honestly, my favorite part of this post is that there are ads for Summer's Eve at the bottom of the comments section. Face it, Cheeseboy, you're in girl territory.
ReplyDeleteAnd I could swear Kristina is your muse. She's already blogged about Smooth Away, Chupacabras, and, I'm pretty sure, your body odor. For that matter, she even says, "Butt not me".
That's the problem with sharing readers, and one I'm facing as I blog about "The 'Something' Whisperer" just hours after Crash did it.
Sigh. I was so close to having an original thought.
oh yucky, I had to google chupacabra, that's so gross!!
ReplyDeleteDeodorant to remain on the shopping list. Noted. Glad I didn't have to do the experiment on that one.
ReplyDeleteGlad everyone survived the experiment. BTW, I love the look on their faces.
ReplyDeleteI had a raccoon living in my armpit once.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you amell good now.
Your boys are cute.
I can't wait til you hit 400 followers!!
Okay dude. I just read all of your BO experiment posts and I can only say "Hilarious!" ...but not in the way a pop-teen would say it. More like the way a critic would say during stand-up comedian contest. Then the crowd would applaud my review!
ReplyDelete...You also reminded me of an experiment I conducted in high school. ahh... The Great Career Essay Experiment. Coming to a post near you.. just a click away. Keep your eyes open and you might just see it in the next day or two.
Oh, one thing. Deodorant isn't meant to stop sweat. Just the smell. Antiperspirant takes care of the sweat! ...and it really does.
Or you could do what my grandpa told me when I was 14. "Dallen... just shave your pits--like me!" I dismissed him as crazy, and gloried in my every-hairier pits.
I'm so glad that this silly phase in your life is over.
ReplyDeleteA glorious, sweet smelling day shall be had by all. Hallelujah!
ReplyDeleteCONGRATS on bypassing 300! You are unstoppable, with or without B.O. that could kill large insects or small animals.
xoRobyn
I think we all here in the blogosphere are glad we were in the blogosphere this week. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou wife is a saint and your kids…well, they are boys so it’s a 50/50 thing.
Deodorant for the butt... now how exactly would that be applied? I am so very happy that the experiment is over! I was beginning to wonder if this was your revenge for all the girly blogs with "TMI" in it!
ReplyDeleteNo, please! Let the chupacabra attack Richard Simmons!
ReplyDeleteif those are your actually boys they are stinking adorable
ReplyDeletei was going to steer clear of this post today on account of it makes me wanna gag a bit but i couldn't help it
i'm sure your wife is eternally grateful for your new use of deodorant
ps Dallen Danger from A blog about nothing is my next door neighbor and he built that sand castle, hence the reason you have seen it before...most likely on his blog...
Thanks for the chuccabra (or however U spell it) definition!
ReplyDeleteEwwww!!!
Yuck!
hope everything washed out ok.
And I am glad your deodorant stick is working.
Have you ever considered posting on LOL. (Lafflady?) You are hilarious!!!
I love your posts!
Awwwww.....Too funny and cute and well you know I love ya humor and!!
ReplyDeleteI love that your littler boy (in the green shirt) is trying to discretely point out that the smell is YOU. haha
ReplyDeleteHilarious - I'm so glad that your time w/o deo is coming to an end for you (and your family).
ReplyDeleteEven though you may be tired of writing about body odor, it was so funny to read about!
*dies* Those are REALLY good faces on your sons! Welcome back to the world of 'not quite as stinky'.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that the ceasing of the use of deodorant would produce a chupacabra.
ReplyDeleteI want one!
Glad it is all over with now...
I heard those chupacabras were found, but I didn't know it was in your pits! Yikes! (Don't they just look like hairless dogs to you though---the chupacabras, not your pits.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway---glad you and yours survived the week! Your wife and children are to be commended. Maybe you should reward them with ice cream or chocolate. (That's how I bribe, I mean reward, my kiddos.) ;o)
Dude, I LOVE looking at Chupacabras, those things are awesome!
ReplyDeleteWell you just about did it, congrats! And thank goodness you just said you were going to do this for a week and not longer :)
ReplyDeleteHAH! Those faces are priceless!! And it's a good thing your wife loves you so much...especially since she's now sharing her bed with a chupacabra too! And, don't get Richard TOO excited by smelling that good now. ;) Glad it's finally over....you were starting to make my eyes water!
ReplyDeleteWow, another adventure to chalk up to the old lifeboard. And you lived to tell the tale.
ReplyDeleteSo, you are saying that deodorant really DOES stop odor then??
ReplyDeleteSo, is this the "In sickness" part of the wedding vows that your wife signed up to?
ReplyDeleteYour family REALLY loves you.
Inka-dink a bottle of ink
the cap fell off
and YOU STINK!
Sorry, a little ditty from my childhood just slipped out. Couldn't help it.
ha! I'm wondering if your boys weren't the only ones making those faces..
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad your wife "still" loves you after your experiment. That was truly the ultimate test. Cute pic of you and the boys.
ReplyDeleteI think your wife and kids should get some sort of prize!
ReplyDelete