Dear Redbox Employee of unknown name,
I would like to issue a formal complaint about the Redbox service I have been receiving at the Murray, Utah Redbox location. (The one in the McDonalds, across from the Burlington Coat Factory. Do you know which one I am talking about? It has the big arches in front of it.)
First of all, let me just say that I love the service Redbox offers and the fact that I can rent a video for a buck! A BUCK! Blockbuster be darned!
My first complaint involves the Redbox machine. It is always sticky. Granted, this McDonald's does serve a lot of soft serve and they tend to load their fries with extra salt. Also, this McDonalds doesn't have a playground, which I think is odd, don't you? A McDonalds with no playland?! So strange. Nevertheless, every time I use the machine, a small chunk of my finger-skin is left with the machine. It's just that sticky.
Secondly, you never have any Steven Segal videos in stock. It's not like Steven hasn't made a lot of movies; he has a plethora to choose from! Have you ever seen Under Siege 2: Dark Territory? Do yourself a favor and rent it sometime. (Not available at your Redbox locations.)
Finally, my last complaint is more of a suggestion than a complaint. I think that Redbox machines should have a curtain that I can pull when I am making my selections. I always feel so violated when someone is standing right behind me, judging me on my selection of Divine Secrets of a Ya Ya Sisterhood. It's for my AUNT! She loves the part about the traveling pants.
I think that a curtain would provide ample privacy. Plus, I love the feeling of being in one of those photo booths with the curtains. (FYI: Those photo booths are fun, but the maximum number of cats you can get in one with you is only about 7. If you know the people that make those booths, can you forward this complaint to them? Do you know those people?)
Thank you for your time and I look forward to your reply.
Abe
PS: How do you get the movies inside the machine? Do you hire movie midgets? Also, if there is a Redbox inside a Dollar Tree, one dollar really isn't that great of a deal. You should make the Dollar Tree rentals like 78 cents or something.
**UPDATE: I received the following response:
Hello,
Thank you for your e-mail. Your comments, suggestions & business are important to us. I will share the information you have provided with the appropriate parties.
If you have any additional questions, comments, or concerns, please let us know and anyone in customer service would be more than happy to assist you.
Thank you for your valued business,
Shawn
redbox Customer Care
1.866.REDBOX3
www.redbox.com
Bahahaha!
ReplyDeleteThat's all I got.
OH, and at least you didn't tell them they made their table and let the chips fall where they may.
ReplyDeleteI have never used Redbox. It seems scary to me, but I always shy away from change. Can't wait for a reply to this email.
ReplyDeleteSticky Redbox? At least you don't have to brave the Walmart lobby for the Ya-Ya's!
ReplyDeletei actually work inside a redbox, i am the midget that hands the disks to you through that little slot. You would be so shocked how much they pay me!!
ReplyDelete(shaking head) You're nuts. (said in the most respectable tone complete with smile)
ReplyDeleteGet Netflix and you'll never have to be judged for 'your Aunt's' love of Chick Flicks.
ReplyDeleteTracie's right, Netflix all the way! If you want the curtain effect while ordering Netflix on your computer, you can put a sheet over your head.
ReplyDeleteI have never used Redbox. Do you think they carry The Notebook.
ReplyDeleteAlso, thanks for letting us know which Redbox you use. Don't be surprised if I jump out from behind the box, and scare the crap out of you.
202, Dude!!! Bring it on!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of midgets in the big box. It's kind of like the fairies that live in my computer because they really, really do.
Also, I think you're ripping yourself off by asking for Steven Segal movies. I think Steven Segal movies should be free, take one, get another one for free.
I'm not judging on the Ya Ya. I bet your "aunt" loves Mamma Mia, too.
That's 2 Angry Letters this week. Feeling a little hormonal or something? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure that the Ya Ya Sisterhood and the pants have nothing to do with each other...just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet your angry letter to Redbox will come as a pleasant break in their otherwise really nasty letters.
Maybe your letter will prompt them to come up with a new coupon code that we can ALL benefit from!
ReplyDelete"Just enter the following into the COUPON CODE box: STICKY"
That is, beyond doubt, the most laugh-out-loud hilarious email I have ever read! "(The one in the McDonalds, across from the Burlington Coat Factory. Do you know which one I am talking about? It has the big arches in front of it.)" - that just had me in absolute stitches. You continue to be one of the funniest bloggers I read, Cheeseboy! :D
ReplyDeleteThat's just genius. I hope they respond. How could they not? lol
ReplyDeleteThey are always sticky too. This one time I wouldn't even touch the machine. I just hoped whatever was on it wasn't predigested.
7 cats? I've never tried that!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! Thanks for the laugh, it was greatly needed today.
I've never rented a red box movie before. Sad, I know....
ReplyDeleteSadly the only the RedBoxes we have in the Uk are for post (letters and the like) however they too are always sticky but there isn't a a Macdonalds in sight!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear their response.
ReplyDeleteI've often wondered how those movies magically appear in there.
I think you have made me wanna send complaint letters too...!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the reply either should be great...Also we don't have RedBox in Australia as far as i know but there is similar idea....I know what you mean about people standing behind you....
Funny stuff..keep them coming
Dean
from day by day by dean
That mcdonalds with the big arches across from the burlington coat factory is the one I used to go to all the time before I went into recovery for fast food and caffeine addiction! Man, your post really triggered me. I better get to a FFACA (Fast Food and Caffeineaholics Anonymous---pronounced FA-ka) meeting stat!
ReplyDeleteDazzle them with brilliance, Cheeseboy!
ReplyDeleteDo let us know their response.
Totally unrelated-but I left you a major award on my blog :)
ReplyDeleteYou are on a roll with the letter writing thing. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI've never used a Red Box. However, our Hollywood Video Store just went out of business, therefore the nearest place to rent a video is....you guessed it...A Red Box!
I think the curtain idea has merit. In November, we could use all Redbox locations for motor voter stops? True story, for OUTDOOR Redbox locations, they have a built in AIR CONDITIONER on them to keep either the DVD's cool or the Keebler Elves comfortable - I'm not sure which? W.C.C.
ReplyDeletethey should definitely have a curtain. I agree that it's way too open for all to spy on one's selections. Of course, when I'm doing the spying it's most entertaining!
ReplyDeleteI seriously love this letter!!
ReplyDeleteOur McDonald's doesn't have a play land either!
ReplyDeleteI've never used a Redbox and now that you've mentioned sticky fingers, I won't ever cave in to the temptation to try it!
If they added your privacy curtain or Steven Segal movies they would probably charge more than a buck!
Red box? I had to google that. We don't have these here. Well not in BC anyways.
ReplyDeleteSee, that's where they get you - they SAY $1, but they want some blood sweat and tears it seems. Ohh, and obviously skin fragments as well.
Good luck with that. I think you will be writing another letter soon as I just heard they were raising their prices. So the same service you are getting now, for more than $1!
ReplyDeleteOh my, Cheeseboy, I have never said this to anyone before but I do believe you are funnier than I am. You are trying for humor, right?
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
I've used Redbox on occasion. It's such a bitch having to return the dang things, though. Mostly, I just buy my movies.
ReplyDeleteIf you're buying ya ya, just be sure to throw in some candy, a comb and some dental floss....you know...to hide the ya ya thing. (Kinda like what teenage boys do when they're buying condoms, eh?)
if you can only get 7 cats into a photo booth you're doing something wrong.
ReplyDeleteI can get at least 9 in every time.
fromlazytolady.blogspot.com
Awesome. I seriously hope they respond! I've never used redbox, but now I'm scared a piece of my genetic code will be stuck there and someone will steal my identity, is it worth it for a Steven Segal movie? Just maybe...
ReplyDeletethat is awesome. This reminds me of this book my dad used to have called The Lazlo Letters. More people should write more letters to businesses, especially if they have good ideas like you.
ReplyDeleteLOL. This letter is hilarious. A McDonald's with no playground? - That's scary. What were they thinking?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I have used Redbox just once. Never again!:)
I vote for privacy curtains, too. I can't stand it when someone is standing looking over my shoulder. Still trying to wrap my head around you in a photo booth with 7 cats - please post the pictures!
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I don't think they're taking you seriously with that response...maybe you should write again...
ReplyDeleteThankyou thankyou THANKYOU for complaining to Redbox. It's about time. Can you believe they didn't even have an old Ingrid Bergman movie about some lady being a missionary in China after WW2? I know. Ridiculous. I needed inspiration Friday night, but no. Thank goodness for complainers like you who stand up for the little people. You make this world a better place, you know that? :)
ReplyDeletethanks for visiting our first apartment. I have been reminiscing. we actually only lived there for three months and then we moved up. Well actually down into a basement apartment where we had two rooms and a bathroom with all the items needed in a bathroom in one single room Of course the pipes ran over our heads and water dripped all night long. I tell you we were tough. we couldn't do it again.
ReplyDeleteBwahaha! Yes, you are clearly very, very angry. Love it. One word: Netflix
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of these before!! Sticky sounds pretty gross though.
ReplyDeleteI think I love you - this letter rocks!
ReplyDeleteI almost wrote something about sticky and then I saw the PG-13 reminder.
ReplyDeletePrivacy curtains would be PERFECT.
ReplyDeleteFYI. if you can only get seven cats in your local photo booth, you just aren't trying hard enough. TRUST ME.
That's hilarious. They even sent you a form letter in response! You are getting good at sending these "letters of complaint."
ReplyDeleteI also never rented from Redbox b/c of the privacy issue! It's not like an ATM where people respect your privacy and stand a few feet behind you. Brrrr.
So I got Netflix. You have to try it!! But it can get seriously addicting and it will create great trouble for you as a blogger.
Btw I tried to leave a comment on your guest post over the weekend but it never went through...
I saw a man filling a redbox the other day...it's totally top secret. He looked at me very oddly but then I ran off before he could shoot me, and then when I got home out of breath, I decided I was going to write a letter to redbox...eh, okay I've had too much coffee. Love your letter.
ReplyDeleteMary
LOL.
ReplyDeleteI get so creeped out over people looking over my shoulder at any redbox location...there so needs to be a special bubble built around it. or me.
Oh, I love their meaningful brush you off form letter. At least you tried, right?
Oh my word, Abe. That is hilarious X 3. Really, you should go on the road with your comedy (But wait, then I couldn't send any students to you, so strike that suggestion). Plus I do love it when someone uses the word plethora.
ReplyDeleteSee? All you have to do is tell them how you feel - and they care. They really really care.
ReplyDeleteI am going to remember this next time I go to Redbox, and I will laugh my head off, and everyone will look at me funny, and I won't know exactly how to explain. It's already a plan. I look forward to it.
ReplyDeleteI really do miss out on the choices…sometimes you just want to watch an older flick and now you just can't get it.
ReplyDelete