When Married Unicorns Fight

Honey, where's our horn sharpener?

It's where it's always been.

Oh, okay.

So, where is that then?

Same place they have been for the past twelve years.

Oh, right.

I CAN'T FIND IT!

It's in the glitter drawer!  Look! You got to look.

Where's the glitter drawer?

IT'S IN THE KITCHEN!  IT'S ALWAYS BEEN IN THE KITCHEN!

Right, right.

Okay, it's NOT in the glitter drawer.

Did you dig your horn around?  You've really got to dig your horn around in that glitter to find the thing!

I'm digging, I'm digging!  I'm telling you, that thing is not in there.

You got to use the sharp nub of your horn to dig.  Are you using the nub?

YEAH, I'M USING THE NUB!  I'VE BEEN USING THE NUB THE WHOLE TIME! QUIT YELLING AT ME!

I'm not yelling at you. Are you sure you are looking in the glitter drawer?

Well, yeah. It's very sparkly in there.

NO, YOU ARE LOOKING IN THE SPARKLY DRAWER!  I SAID THE GLITTER DRAWER!

What's the friggen' difference?

One sparkles, one glitters. It's common unicorn knowledge.

Well, I can't find it. It's not in here.

AH, DO I HAVE TO FIND EVERYTHING FOR YOU?!

Look, it's right here under these mini-rainbows.  Right where I told you they were.

You didn't say they were under the mini-rainbows.  You said they were in the glitter drawer.

The mini-rainbows are IN THE GLITTER DRAWER!  That's exactly why I said you had to use your nub.  I don't think you were using your nub like you said you were.

I WAS USING MY NUB! Can't you see how it's all dull at the end?  And the spiral is a little faded. 

Fine, well here's your stupid horn sharpener.  You know you made us late for the rainbow hop?

OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN!  YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS RAINBOW HOPS!  IT'S BECAUSE GERALD WILL BE THERE, ISN'T IT?!

*Thank you for reading and enjoying this marvelously fantastic piece on married unicorn fights. (Perhaps the best ever piece on married unicorn fights, according to the Writers Academy of Unicorns.) Please do not ask me if I have seen "Charlie the Unicorn" on YouTube.  I have seen Charlie the Unicorn, and this piece of writing has nothing to do with Charlie the Unicorn. 

** Now that I have asked you not to ask me if I have seen "Charlie the Unicorn" on YouTube in the comments, undoubtedly, some smart aleck will ask, "Have you seen Charlie the Unicorn?" I have accepted this as an inevitable truth.


***Okay, so the male unicorn in the story's name just so happens to be Charlie.  But that is purely coincidental.  Just because I named the unicorn Charlie, doesn't mean it is the SAME Charlie as in those silly YouTube bits. 


****I just realized that not once in the story did I actually tell you the unicorn's names.  The female unicorn is named Lucy and the male's name is Charlie, although he goes by "Chuck". 


*****Chuck the unicorn may or may not be related to Charlie the unicorn.  Despite his marital problems, Chuck is way cooler than Charlie. Charlie may be on YouTube, but Chuck is in talks with HBO to guest star in Entourage next season. 


******In conclusion, this is way better than Charlie the Unicorn.