Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Queen's Speech

I occasionally hear women say that they are the "Queen of Procrastination". Yeah right. I've met the real queen of procrastination and she is nothing like you.  Fortunately, I can prove it. I found a transcript from one of her speeches.

THE QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION'S SPEECH

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.

Hold on.  I'm not... ready.

Okay, I suppose I'm ready.  I've been putting this speech off long enough. It's time to do this thing.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears...

I have an announcement to make:  I am the Queen of Procrastination!  I have known since 1988. I am sorry I have not told you sooner. I meant to.

Look, a lot of people get really freaked out when I say things like "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Or "SEND HER TO THE DUNGEON!"  In reality, I never actually get around to having these things done.  So you can sleep easier tonight.

I've been meaning to call my mom.  It's been almost a year.  Mom, if you can hear me, I'll call you tomorrow. Or I won't. I probably won't.

Some people say to me, "Those burglars aren't just going to hang themselves!" But here's the crazy thing: if you make them wait long enough, a lot of them actually do hang themselves!

I had a lot more to say, but I think I'll wait until next year.

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN! THE QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION!

46 comments:

  1. Cluttered BrainJune 4, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    1st comment..yay!

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  2. Living LifeJune 4, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    She's a girl after my own heart! Long live the queen!

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  3. Cluttered BrainJune 4, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    now for the REAL comment...oh ya procrastination is killer...I've been getting better though.
    It pays to be prepared and not procrastinate when it comes to laundry...
    I LOVE this post.
    Do you suffer from procrastination?
    OFF with your head....bwahaha.
    Never mind. We'll do it next year....I'm too lazy right now...
    Love it Abe.

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  4. Cluttered BrainJune 4, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    OH and is this lady for real?
    Wow.
    I want her autograph.

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  5. Alex J. CavanaughJune 4, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    You need to write speeches professionally!

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  6. Mice AlilingJune 4, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    Hahaha. THat is why she is Queen!

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  7. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comJune 4, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    Someday sometime in the future I want to be just like her. (Rich).
    Cute post.
    xoRobyn

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  8. AlittlespriteJune 4, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    One of my pet peeves.
    I would have thought the Queen had hired help to procrastinate for her.

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  9. ConnieJune 4, 2011 at 10:23 PM

    I would have been the first comment but i kept putting it off.

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  10. tammyJune 4, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    I'm going to comment on this later.

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  11. AlisonJune 4, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    I was going to procrastinate commenting, but it'd take too long for me to find the original post by the time I get round to it - in 2013.

    This speech just reminded me I need to return my mom's call - from 2 weeks ago.

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  12. AmyJune 4, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    Hahaha! That is too funny.

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  13. Crystal PistolJune 5, 2011 at 2:57 AM

    "Those burglar's aren't going to hang themselves"... etc... but then they DO hang themselves.

    Hahahaaaaaaa!

    You should do Queen of Putrescense next, like on The Princess Bride. That would be awesome.

    Remember? Bow down to the Queen of Filth. The Queen of slime. The queen of putresense. (I don't know how to spell putresense.)

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  14. Cathy Olliffe-WebsterJune 5, 2011 at 5:50 AM

    My first laugh out loud moment of the day. Thanks, Cheese!

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  15. Stef HJune 5, 2011 at 6:12 AM

    i have her perfect mate... my hubby is definitely KING of procrastination!!! trust me.

    hugs, stef (Glitterbabe)

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  16. NicoleJune 5, 2011 at 7:00 AM

    Lord have mercy. hahahaa

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  17. CperzJune 5, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    I consider procrastination an artform. Now that I have honed my skill to the "near perfection" level, I find out there is a Queen.
    Who knew??

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  18. SaimiJune 5, 2011 at 7:47 AM

    It's good to be the Queen!

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  19. Donna TagliaferriJune 5, 2011 at 8:45 AM

    I am the queen and I am not amused

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  20. Kristina P.June 5, 2011 at 10:53 AM

    I wanted to comment on this last night, but I didn't get around to it.

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  21. Oilfield TrashJune 5, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Hilarious!!!

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  22. Beth ZimmermanJune 5, 2011 at 4:25 PM

    You are a NUT! :) Nuts is good!

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  23. LoriJune 5, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    Oh sure...did you write this post just to make us blogging procrastinators feel a twinge of guilt?

    Posting on my own blog and leaving comments on other peoples blogs has been put off and off by me lately.

    Don't worry...I get the hint. :)

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  24. mCatJune 5, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    I was gonna comment, but I'll get around to it later.

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  25. Lisa LooJune 5, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    My life is so full of procrastination I am practically swimming in the stuff. I make that queen look like a mere peasant........

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  26. JenJune 5, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    Abe, you crack me up. I liked the mom one...hits close to home, unfortunately!

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  27. Phil and TedJune 5, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    Very funny. I especially enjoy the overall concept, and how, with each post, your format changes. There are posts with writing, schedules, letters, wood-pecker translations, and now speech transcripts.
    I'm a teen, so I know a thing or two about procrastination. In fact, I even wrote a post called "4 Reasons Why Teens Procrastinate".

    - Phil

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  28. MarnieJune 5, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    If you wait long enough, problems just go away :0) Brilliant!

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  29. Jason, as himselfJune 5, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    Wait now. Are you saying YOU are the Queen of Procrastination?

    You do kind of look like the old queen in the photo. Minus the nostril hairs.

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  30. -stephanie-June 5, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    Goes to show you why you should never procrastinate on calling your mom.

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  31. LourieJune 5, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    If the Queen stops procrastinating for any reason, I am next in line to take the crown.

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  32. M. RekaJune 6, 2011 at 12:39 AM

    Beautiful post!

    Short Poems

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  33. Joann MannixJune 6, 2011 at 6:13 AM

    My girls are the royal princesses of procrastination, especially when it comes to cleaning their rooms. they live in royal dung dumps.

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  34. UnknownJune 6, 2011 at 7:00 AM

    Hey, you stole the speech I was planning on making today, can you make sure I get that back before noon... well, at least by 5pm? Thanks!

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  35. SueLovesCherriesJune 6, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    Personally, I know more kings than queens!

    Now, about the white Columbine - I see no problem with them growing in Utah. :)

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  36. mintifreshJune 6, 2011 at 6:01 PM

    Yup. She wins.

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  37. MissyJune 6, 2011 at 6:21 PM

    Love the Queen!!!

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  38. Corrina TerryJune 6, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    Hilarious! How do you think of these things?!?!?!

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  39. HollyJune 6, 2011 at 9:35 PM

    Welll... I was going to comment the other day but something came up.... SMART ALEK!! I could give her some competition if I try. ;p Thanks for the smile! ;D

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  40. Fragrant LiarJune 6, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    I almost commented the other day, but I am the Queen of Procrastination, contrary to your post! ;-) 'Tis I!

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  41. AllyJune 7, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    When I think of the Queen, I always think of The Smiths. One of my favorite albums is The Queen is Dead.

    FourthGradeNothing.com

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  42. Sara @ Domestically ChallengedJune 7, 2011 at 7:39 AM

    She is me, I am her, well, I mean, in the loosest sense of the term "She is Me" because, obviously, she isn't me. Which is good, because if she didn't like PB as much as me that would be crappy. Do you think she does? If so, chunky or smooth? Me? I'll take either. I'll crush the whole peanut in my mouth to make PB if I need too. Anyway, back to the subject: Laundry needs to be done!

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  43. LazarusJune 7, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Funny and creative, classic Cheeeboy, nicely done!

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  44. UnknownJune 7, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    That is me! I love that she doesn't ever really get around to cutting off anyone's head. That is a RELIEF!

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  45. W.C.CampJune 7, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    The queen of procrastination needs an appropriate crown for all to admire - I think Burger Kings gives them away at their restaurants! W.C.C.

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  46. Claudya MartinezJune 7, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    Dang! I was going to leave a really great comment, but I waited to long and now the baby is crying so I have to go. Bummer. It was really good too. You would have loved it.

    ReplyDelete

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