Dora: Honey, you are going the wrong way!
Diego: Uh, I know where I'm going.
Dora: You were supposed to go over the troll bridge. We passed that like three miles ago.
Diego: No. You said around the troll bridge, then past the alligator pond.
Dora: Here, let me check the map.
Map: I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map. I'm the map - - I'M THE MAP!
Diego: Can you shut that stupid thing up?!
Map: To get to Candy Mountain, you need to go over Troll Bridge, past Alligator Pond and then you are at Candy Mountain. Bridge. Pond. Mountain. Bridge. Pond. Mountain. Bridge. Pond. Mountain!
Diego: Seriously, give me that friggen' piece of crap. I'm gonna...
Dora: No! Seriously, you had three easy instructions. Three! What the heck is wrong with you?
Diego: I've been to Candy Mountain before in college. I think I know where it is.
Dora: Why don't we just pull over and ask for directions?
Diego: In this part of town? No way I'm stopping here. Swiper lives around here. He swipes. I hate that guy.
Dora: Pull over here.
Diego: No!
Dora: JUST PULL OVER!
Diego: Alright, alright.
[Dora gets out and is approached by Swiper]
Diego: He just goes away when you say that?
Dora: He's an awful thief. Really bad. Been that way for years.
Diego: Did you get directions then?
Dora: Yeah: Okay, go over the Troll Bridge, past the Alligator Pond and then to the Candy Mountain.
Diego: I KNEW THAT! THAT STUPID TALKING MAP TOLD US THAT, LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO!
Dora: Sorry. Hey, where is my purse?
Diego: SWIPER!
Dora: I don't get it! I said it three times?
Diego: OH MAN!!!
**I am not sure if this post is funny or not, but my 9 year old son has been watching me write it and it had him giggling so hard he was almost crying. Even if no one else likes it, that alone was worth writing it.
rofl...i'm first!
ReplyDeleteok now for the real comment.... Man alive....Wow.
ReplyDeleteYou had me rolling mostly because my 3 year old loves Dora...
And it really gets stuck in your head....
Love it cheese....
So true...
but I think Dora and Diego are cousins...where they live anyway...the south? lol.
It turns out my husband's name must really be Diego.
ReplyDeleteI swear I think Dora the Explorer is where my kids learned to speak Spanish!
ReplyDeleteI watched enough Dora with my nephew that I love this post!
ReplyDeleteOh my word. Married but not her husband? They must be from my hometown since they're also cousins.
ReplyDeleteHow I wish Dora and Diego weren't cousins so we COULD have a love connection between those two. I would learn double the Espanol and really, Spanish weddings are the best!
ReplyDeleteAnd then maybe we could have just ONE television show that seems to air like 18 times a day.
I dig it. Have you seen the SNL skit? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAKR-OXq6hU
ReplyDeleteI am confused, though. I thought Diego was her cousin or something? Do we have a little incest action here?
Hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteWait did she marry him for a green card or is he illegal too?
Never seen Dora, but the humor translates anyway. It is a good thing I read your blog, it is the only pop culture I am exposed to.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can calm your fears and tell you this is funny. Although, it could just be all the hours I log watching those two fools.
ReplyDeleteI bet Dora never lets Diego forget that it's his fault her purse was stolen.
LOL! Sounds like my Parents..except their map is called Karen and refuses to talk to them when they make a wrong turn.
ReplyDeleteGlad she didn't marry her cousin phew! How would I explain that to my kids.
ReplyDeleteHave you see Brian Reegan's (sp?) bit about the map song? Hilarious!
Wait, who the crap is Diego? This almost makes me wish I had children so I understood anything going on.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had the pleasure of watching this craptastic show just yet. Can you do a skit with Sesame Street? Kthanks!
ReplyDeleteIs it sad that I had to sing along to the song, to the Swiper bit and the OH MAN!
ReplyDeleteI hate that friggin' show.
I was having a poopy, grumpy evening. Then I read "I'M THE MAP!" Laughed in spite of myself. ...Dont you HATE when you're trying to be in a bad mood and someone makes you laugh???
ReplyDeleteThanks, man.
married?? okay, I believe you... I have no idea who they are anyway... other than where in the world part I overheard from some box called the TV... I beet she says they are married because Diego must be from CA & wants to be legal status or something???
ReplyDeleteDora has seriously evolved since I last saw it. Swiper? Is that for real?! Why did Dora not say "you've never liked my mother/map" ?!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI only have a vague idea who Dora is (which I've absorbed through my nephews) but from the little I know this was a pretty awesome parody.
ReplyDeleteOr, you know, maybe I just have the humor of a nine-year-old...
Funny!! But really, am I the only one out here wondering where Boots is??? Boots would be the arbitrator between Dora and her cousin/husband, Diego.
ReplyDelete(Two's company, Boots is a crowd. I think Diego was jealous and had Boots offed.)
ReplyDeleteThis was HILARIOUS. I just about fell over a few times, especially about Swiper. "Diego: He just goes away when you say that?"
And Diego telling the map to shut up? I don't know how many times I watched this silly show and thought exactly the same thing.
Kids shows. Blechhhh!
I love that your nine-year-old loved this!
Thank goodness my daughter only liked Dora for a minute. :) It was funny.
ReplyDeleteDora is a freaking whiny nag. Her cousin, Diego, is the cool relative. He probably has nothing to do with her and is a famous explorer by now.
ReplyDeleteIs it sad that I read it with their voices in my head? haha! That was great!
ReplyDeleteAh, to have the humor of a 9 year old boy again . . .
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew Dora the Explorer better, as I'm sure it would have been much funnier had I gotten the inside jokes. Damn, it's things like this that make me want kids :)
ReplyDeleteNever watched Dora but still managed to be amused by this.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. That IS funny. And I think I was in that car with Diego once. On the way to "Candy Mountain" (if you know what I mean) and now I know the name of the theif who stole my things.
ReplyDelete*wink*
Enjoy the day!
Erin
HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeletesounds just like me and big daddy!
ReplyDeleteDora is totally right here.
ReplyDeleteComing from a mom of 2 young girls who LOVE Dora - this is HYSTERICAL!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog recently and you've been cracking me up for a week. Thanks for the laughs.
Man, that Dora sure gets around these days.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Just got back on to read the comments. You all are so funny, but let's back up to Jen's comment about this makes her want to have kids. Think long and hard because lil kiddos will want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba too. And that is going to force you A.want to destroy your television, B. Have nightmares or C. have you involuntarily committed
ReplyDeleteBig fan of having kids but be very careful with which "kid oriented" programs enter your brain.
Dora better give up now. The future does not bode well. Besides, I'd be off if I had to listen to the map all those years too.
ReplyDeleteawesome
ReplyDeleteI am glad you kept back[ack out of it..heeee
that is all
I wish those were the only directions I had to remember in life; Bridge. Pond. Mountain.
ReplyDeleteI might actually make it somewhere....
Wow, looks like Dora needs to get on medication...
ReplyDeleteYou'd think Diego would spring for a GPS by now - it would get rid of Map.
ReplyDeleteHisterical post - next time I'm approached by a thief I'll try repeating three times!
One of your very best. You never cease to amaze and entertain!
ReplyDeleteAnd since you're a Dora expert, I'm guessing she's not singing, "We did it! We did it! Hiroshima" right? I'm thinking if they're trying to teach kids Spanish, they should have her spit the marbles out of her mouth before she sings... just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, your postings have been hysterical. I haven't read in a LONG time, but I haven't laughed out loud at a blog in a long time. You're obviously not trying TOO hard here. Thanks for the laugh today. Oh, and I don't have a favorite, I loved Dora, The Wiggles, your Facebook questions, and the list of blog comments. HA HA!
ReplyDeleteI am, at this very moment, watching Dora Saves the Crystal Kingdom. OH THE HUMANITY!! Thanks for the comic relief. It's the only way to stay sane when watching this torture.
ReplyDeleteI work with a lady who looks like Dora. To a T! We even call her Dora and when small children visit us they think she is the grown up version of Dora.....
ReplyDeleteBetween this and the post on The Wiggles, I'm sensing some pent in hostility, Abe.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is: I wish you were a tad older so you could feel hostile about the things that really tick me off.
I have a feeling I would SO enjoy watching you get tweaked out by some of MY pet peeves. But my kids are 17 and 13, so I don't think that you'll ever get caught up to the things that are driving ME nuts.
Anyone mentioned that you are at 601 followers with your god given blogging voice???
ReplyDeleteAnd I do know how to spell hysterical, my fingers just don't play well with others...
if she isn't inbred how come her face is so wide?
ReplyDeleteIt was hilarious!! Your son can recognize good humor. When is he starting his blog?
ReplyDeleteI think they need to turn that map in for GPS.
ReplyDeleteMap is so annoying the way he always says the same thing three times. It's like "Dude. Got it the first time."
I find it a little condescending.
I know this is not actual dialogue but it should be...well done!
ReplyDeleteLol...u kill me:) I have been watching Dora for 7 years. (3 little girls will do that) I am so done with Dora. I have nightmares about the sound of her annoying voice. Truly, thank you for the giggle:)
ReplyDeleteSooooo I just nearly herniated myself laughing over this one. Your son is right... crying WAS the appropriate response... I laughed until no sound came out, only tears. THANK YOU.
ReplyDeleteHaving watched Dora for years when my daughter was small, and been to the live show as well, I thought that was brilliant. Laughing all the way.
ReplyDeleteI hate the Map.
ReplyDeleteI am wearing one of my favorite t-shirts at the moment - It's a magical liopleurodon!!
Definitely funny! hahaha.
ReplyDeletehaha - I'll laugh alongside the 9 year old on this one :)
ReplyDeleteYou went over 600! It's video time.
ReplyDeleteDude, sign up for the A to Z Challenge - you'll hit 700 in no time.
I. Hate. Dora. That is all.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent of a former Dora watcher, I can honestly say this is a great post!
ReplyDeleteLOL! My kids don't watch Dora anymore but I'll definitely be showing them this post. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the clarification on the cousin/incest debacle.
ReplyDeleteIt is freakin' hilarious! As the mother of 4 kids who have plunged me at various times in each of their lives into Dora Purgatory, I can attest to the fact that it is hilarious. Almost as hilarious as the dirty songs my husband and I have made up in place of the real Dora lyrics ;-) which don't hold a candle to our Bob the Builder songs.
ReplyDeleteNo, that was funny!
ReplyDeleteBut what happened to Boots??
Is he relegated to "trunk monkey" now?
Man, that Map needs strangling. As does the 'Backpack'. Thankfully my daughter has moved on from Dora.
ReplyDeleteOf course, now she adores Justin Bieber. *shudder*
I've been looking through some of your greatest hits, and died laughing at Yo Gabba Gabba. ;p