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| A typical follower of the Blog O' Cheese |
If I wanted people to comment, I may actually have to comment on their blogs first. It was a Catch 22. If I wanted to catch at least 22 comments, I would have to comment on at least 22 other blogs.**
The fortunate/unfortunate problem I was experiencing with blog surfing was that 90% of blogs were owned and operated by women for women. Now, I loved getting comments, but I often was stumped as what I could write on diaper changing, GNO (Girls Now Obnoxious) and stuff having to do with periods and maximum paddings and shirtless Matthew McConkeys. It was too much to handle.
And so, I developed a plan. I created a set of generic comments that I could use for almost any lady blog. I could then just scroll through my list of preset responses and copy and paste the one that best fits their current post.
Now that I have let you in on this patented*** Cheeseboy secret, I might as well share my list of comments. Feel free to comment on THIS post using any of them that you see fit.
Cheeseboy's List of Generic Lady-Blog Comments****
- Wow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them!
- So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.
- Happy birthday!
- We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.
- Didn't even realize you could do piercings there. Is that safe? How do you apply deodorant?
- My wife uses ammonia and bleach to get that kind of stain out. Always together.
- I've been to Walmart many times and that type of handsy harassment by the greeter has NEVER happened to me.
- If I were around that many giddy women for that amount of time, I'd probably shoot myself in the heart with a crossbow.
- I hate it when my hair does THAT! But my highlights shine much more brightly at the noonday hour.
- I'd enter this giveaway, but I'm really not that interested in a Etsy shop bracelet. Unless they are made with hemp.
- I'd go to spin class but I fear I'd get much too dizzy.
- Your husband is such a giant jerk! All men are... except for me. I am the exception. I am like a woman, only I like woman. Well, one woman. And I'm funny. I am like Ellen Degenerous and your husband is like Charlie Sheen.
- It was a blessed day when my boys had their first crap on the potty.
So, there you have it. A comment for every occasion. Feel free to copy and paste mine, but add your own twist to it. I don't want these women to come on to me. Wait, I mean, I don't want them to catch on to me.
* By "Big Time" I mean other people worship me. Not as "the God", but as "a God".
** Honestly, I have no idea what a Catch 22 is.
*** Not patented yet, but the paperwork has been filed.
**** Actually, I do try and personalize each comment I make. I do make some effort to actually prove I READ the post.
My favorite comment to receive is:
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm SO glad I found you on the blog hop. You have SUCH a great sense of humor. I'm your newest follower. Hehe. Won't you be neighborly and return the favor? ;)
Oh, I also wanted to say:
ReplyDeleteI liked your generic response about the kid using the potty.
A few weeks ago I received a text from a friend telling me "Bob went poop on the toilet all by himself!"
I don't need a play by play on your kids' bowel movements.
Hummm, feel free to use anyone of those great comments on my blog..it will be fun to see what you come up with!
ReplyDeleteNot a bad idea!
Thanks for the God clarification.
ReplyDelete- Wow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them!
ReplyDeleteBut since you are a first grade teacher, then I guess it's your job to keep up with them.
I appreciate your sincere comments.
And I thought you MEANT all those lovely things you said to me....
ReplyDelete~sputter~
~choke~
~sob~
Wow. Was the HAPPY BIRTHDAY you left me on my blog generic? LOL
ReplyDeleteKidding. You said you were doing the age reversal thing like Brad Pitt in that movie. What movie????
If the male to female ratio for 1st grade teachers in Utah is similar to Texas, chances are you have quite a bit of experience with wedding showers, baby showers and various other "female" events that have primed you well for commenting on lady blogs. If not, you truly do have a God given blogging voice and I can't wait for you to have 600 followers!
ReplyDeleteGoing in the potty rather than anywhere but, is one of the greatest human achievements. So I'm told.
ReplyDeleteI love that you call them (us? me?) "lady bloggers." So proper.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss.
You most definitely have entered a world of women writers! You handle it with ease. I only wish more men would blog!
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious... honestly, I"m pretty sure that a lot of women are doing the same thing! :) Not ME per se... but "women"...
ReplyDeleteBlog on Cheeseboy!
I hate it when my post does THAT! But my comments shine much more brightly at the noonday hour, or when no one's reading them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the crib sheet. Very funny.
It was a blessed day when my boys had their first crap on the potty.
ReplyDelete(Did it work? Do I seem original??)
Very funny. I can totally relate. For the longest time I felt like a creepy stalker guy whenever I left a comment on a blog that was dominated by women. I still think we need more testosterone in the blog world.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about your testicular cancer. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteLove it: "lady blog".
ReplyDeleteI knew I'd hit the big time when Cheeseboy commented on my blog. How did you know?
ReplyDeleteThis post cracked me up. And it's so true...and works both ways. A guy blog friend of mine had publicly said he was wanting to lose weight, and a picture he posted made it look like he had. I struggled like you wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) to post a comment acknowledging his weight loss without sounding like I was hitting on him.
P.S. A "Catch-22" is when your readers laugh out loud at your blog post but then scrutinize every one of your comments from here on out for signs of genericism.
you've got a lot of women loyal to you & we don't seem to mind that you feed us all the same clump of lines. i think you should mix things up & start leaving the wrong comments on people's posts.
ReplyDeletei've recently gotten a bunch of male readers & it definitely changes the flavor of the comment section. less with the, "girl, i always piddle when i giggle, too!" and more with the "hello ladies. i dig a nice rack."
We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus...I am just using this as my comment for every blog I read.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post!!
ReplyDeleteHey, wait a minute...you've used EVERY SINGLE ONE of those comments on my blog!! Way to blow your cover!! Now I'm totally upset with you! :)
ReplyDeleteOnce again I came to the mountain, and left a wiser man. Thank you again, Oh Cheeseboy.
ReplyDeleteThis is outstanding.
ReplyDeleteOut. Standing.
But you did omit the super-handy and totally reusable "Happy SITSday!"
From one teacher to another teacher....
ReplyDeleteI'm giving you the STANDING O!
Please tell me you know this move.
And just so you know, you have lots of interesting commenters on a regular basis. And by interesting I mean messed up worse than Charlie Sheen on crack.
hmmm... I've only had ONE of these. Why is that MR Cheesy?
ReplyDelete(I'm typing this with a half smile so you don't think I'm mad at you for not visiting my blog more)
Now for a cute wink emoticon ;)
HEY...you have made all those kinds of comments on my site. You totally phoned it in. I am hurt. Hurt.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog whilst on the nepotism mclinky carnival hoppity. I like your style. Please visit mine back.
ReplyDeleteIf you'd just get an infusion of TigerBlood, you wouldn't need this list.
ReplyDeleteI found you on the Walmart SUCKS hop where there are PROMPTS to comment on JUST for YOU... Follow me back! EmK? *giggle* ;p
ReplyDeleteSnort. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. Your honesty & vulnerability really shines through in this post. Thank you for sharing. {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteDear Ellen,
ReplyDeleteFess up. You LOVE straddling your two worlds, being the man in a woman's universe. And you do it quite well, I might add. And don't think I'm one of your worshippers. I just love cheese, preferably gouda.
Love,
Rosie O Donnell
OMG -you're a guy??? WTF!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteI will refer back to this post for some time! Those are great comments.
ReplyDeleteLady-Blog...lol, that in itself is just funny. Now do you consider my blog a lady blog? I mean I am a lady ..at least I try to be sometimes.. but I don't talk about lady stuff...just food. Food's much easier to comment about it. I keep typing and I'm really not saying anything... wait.. let me start over:
ReplyDeleteHAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
So, what do you say to a 'non-lady' blog? More like a, 'seriously, lady, you cuss way too much and talk about cow poop like it's a regular dinner table topic.' Wait, nevermind, I don't think I want to know. Feel free to use any of the preset comments on my blog anytime.
ReplyDeleteSo my question is this: nearing 600 followers, how much TIME each day do you spend commenting? Even IF you did copy & paste comments (it's clear you don't) - that would be terribly time consuming. Fess up and tell us how long and when you comment.
ReplyDeleteThis is probably pretty similar to the standard list of answers you have for your wife when she asks you a question and you're not really paying attention.
ReplyDeletewhy didn't I think of this?? it is brilliant, and would save me having to think, which i always try to avoid. i would type up a list for how to comment on a man's blog, but let's be honest. yours is the only one.
ReplyDeleteThe "Lady Bloggers" comments are just as funny to read (well, almost as funny) as your posts! I love your sincerity! I needed this laugh today, Cheeseboy. Thanks. Oh, and thanks for making me smile everytime you leave me a comment (generic or not).
ReplyDeleteWhat else would we possibly talk about if it weren't for tampons, potty training and labor and delivery?? Are there other topics??
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed you got such a candid shot of one of your fans!
eh-hem, i think i recognize a few of those comments.
ReplyDeleteThe potty comment? Pretty applicable, really.
ReplyDeleteAnd your comments come across as if you've read the entries, so at least you've got that going for you.
Don't forget to add projects such as quilting, knitting, crocheting, scrapbooking, cooking and gardening. We do like to keep ourselves busy.
ReplyDeleteI seriously love this...it's hilarious! The one about fungus and thongs just was a toe over the line, and still made me laugh and "eeewwww" out loud!
ReplyDeleteI'm including this on Saturday as one of my favorite posts of the week!
Well XXXXXXXX was funny XXXXXXX and probably would be in XXXXXXXXX posting whenever XXXXX thong in my heart XXXXXXXXX whatever fabulous XXXXXXX I totally agree XXXXXXXX was a real jerk XXXX vintage tablecloth XXXXXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX enter to win XX X XXXX Tiger Blood Giveaway XXXXXXX or let me know if XXXXXXXXX 1000 followers XXXX Washington Irving.
ReplyDeleteJ Yossarian
The generic comment thing is all of our bloggy grab-bag of tricks, lol.
ReplyDeleteNotes to self:
ReplyDeleteCheeseboy has confused me for being a "lady". That term is used loosley around me. Not that I'm loose, just the term lady.
Cheeseboy has completely stopped commenting on my blog because it's private and he hasn't requested an invite. Take that personally and cry big "lady" tears.
Don't be boring on Facebook or Cheeseboy will use his standard comments there too.
Duly noted
Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI can always count on The Cheese to make me happy!
Here is my fave:
- We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.
Because really? That is perfectly appropriate content for a blog... if you are only conversing with your lady doctor or your Brazilian wax therapist! And even then? Not so much.
I love it when all persusasions come to visit me and my little blog. And I promise not to bore you with potty play-by-play (they are paper trained by now).
By the way... I told an entire table of bloggers all about your blog this past weekend when I attended an art retreat in DC area. It was funny. They all whipped out their smart phones and logged on to check it out (you know, just in case you see a spike in your stats on Saturday night ;-)
Enjoy the day!
Erin
ok, you win. i commented. i couldn't help myself. i don't have kids, so not a lot of kid posts over at my place. stop by and see what's going on!
ReplyDeleteYou killed it. Again.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
I'll be smiling for most of the morning. I found my way here by chance and have spent some time poking through your earlier entries. I'm so glad I did. I've had a great time and will definitely be back. Have a great day. Blessings...Mary
ReplyDeleteI like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure you've left one of those on my blog....? lol
Hmmm, these could be useful.
ReplyDeleteFor those posts that I'm just not sure what to say.
Lady or gentleman bloggers.
Hahaha!! I see what you mean. How ironic that I would speak of tampons on the day I read this post. So unlike me! I am copying this list now and taping it to my computer monitor.
ReplyDeleteYou're a genius! That list is awesome. You could use the one about my husband on my blog anytime, in fact you could use it every time and I would never get tired of hearing it. He really is kind of Charlie Sheen like- minus the millions of dollars, and now he actually reads my blog so I can't really say anything about him on my blog.
ReplyDeleteThat's a catch 22.
I like to use this one:
ReplyDeleteBest. Post. Ever.
PS Happy Birthday!
I was wondering what your secret formula was......now I have to go see if any of your comments on my blog are "real" or if they are all cute and paste....
ReplyDeletecatch 22 - I guess you were never in the military. You should watch the movie - funny stuff - the book is too long.
ReplyDeleteLady Blogs - I had a reader once admit that she thought I was a woman blogger. I guess she just assumed because she read mostly lady blogs or maybe I didn't use the word fart enough.
Likey my generic post when I find it hard to comment but still want to comment?
ReplyDeleteBeing a woman (or so I'm told) I somehow managed to relate to your distress in being able to comment on the mass infusion of potty, nursing, Aunt Flo, etc. blogs that consume the blogosphere.
ReplyDeleteConsidering I have teens and have been married .. FOREVER .. my responses tend to be vague as well, unless I KNOW the poster won't suffer some sort of apocalyptic fit.
I think I'll have to try a few of yours.
However, the main reason I jumped to your blog was because it mentioned cheese. Cheese is so much more interesting than poo.
I'm not buying it that you actually read now-- it seems I have gotten nearly every one of those comments from you! The fact that they were all on one post was a little disturbing too.
ReplyDeleteThese were priceless! The thong comment is what put me into a fit of laughter.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing Matthew was on One Cluttered Brain? :)
ReplyDelete:) I think you have used some on my blog. How funny. I love that your wife gets stains out with bleach and ammonia. I hear that works great.
ReplyDeleteI'm copying and pasting... and then coming over and kicking some bloggy butt if I ever see these comments on my blog :) okay - except I'd probably laugh the first time... maybe.
ReplyDeleteAs fun as it was to read your list, I have to say that that the comments left for you were equally as entertaining.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the mens.
Uh oh... I hope my post today won't be considered a thong post!
Damn, I've been doing it all wrong!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Not offended at all. These are great. I am going to use some of them too.
ReplyDelete(I know you are sincere Cheese. If I thought you weren't, I wouldn't come around.) :)
If a comment paints a thousand words...
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! I love these comments. I think you should write each out on slip of paper and randomly pull one out when you get to a blog and want to comment.
ReplyDeleteYES!!!!! Um, can I use a couple of those? and yes, I read the post. I always do, because you sneak lil bits of stuff in that could getmissed.
ReplyDeleteThank Heavens you didn't share my personal comment just for me. You know, "You're my favorite and always will be." I figured by the time you got to comment 76 this will be a blur and you'll just say, "Yeah." I hope you're making many dreams come true!
ReplyDeleteLet me just return the favor with one of my standard Daddy blog comments: It's so refreshing when a man isn't afraid to get down and dirty, like when he's cool with baby poop under his fingernails. And really, size does not matter. Luv ya.
ReplyDeleteCheesiest One,
ReplyDeleteGreat idea and great post, I feel your pain. Loved the "Ellen Degenerous and Charlie Sheen" line. Funny stuff!
I'm grateful you never left me that thong comment. Thanks, Cheeseboy.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Hmmmm standard comments. Now that is sheer genius!
ReplyDeleteWe've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.
ReplyDeleteFollowed. Glad I found you!
I've been to Walmart many times and that type of handsy harassment by the greeter has NEVER happened to me.
ReplyDeleteammonia and bleach, eh? That's actually the deodorant I make to use with my new piercing.
ReplyDeleteHappy Biryhday!!!
ReplyDeleteThat was just the shortest one so it was the easiest to type. :p
ah hahah ha ... this was beyond hilarious :))))
ReplyDeleteYo, Cheeseboy, with regards to your Photo, I am not a Momma :) but I still enjoy reading your blog :) --that's a Catch 22 for you!
ReplyDeleteWe've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.
ReplyDeletePS - got something against woman today or something? - We are so much sexier looking when we read your blog....
Holey cheese logs! You have been comment spamming with generations of lady bloggers! Well at least I now know I am not the only one that you try to share your toe fungus with... by now you should know I abhor thongs ;) the poop comment should be mandatory esp in your profession. I hate to think you could be stuck in the little boys room at break time with 20 first graders needing changing! Now I need to make my own list for the mass of man bloggers that stop over... I have to stop bragging about my truck racing and mud wrestling ways.
ReplyDeleteYour ammonia and bleach comment is especially helpful. LOL
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteNow you owe me one.
Hah ha! Glad you've never used any of those "canned" comments on my blog. ;) Or have you?! I've missed hearing from you, and need to make my rounds too. Glad you stopped by!!
ReplyDeleteMy highlights ALWAYS shine more brightly in the midday sun.
ReplyDeleteAgain, laughing out loud on a Friday while thinking about mimosas. THank you!
Happy Birthday! I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou are just too darn funny!
ReplyDeleteSo, what happens when a new reader hits this one first?
ReplyDeleteA super secret secondary list of less-generic-but-still-multi-purpose responses?
Funny stuff, this.
(oh, and Mommy of a Monster sent me)
I love this:
ReplyDeleteYour husband is such a giant jerk! All men are... except for me. I am the exception. I am like a woman, only I like woman. Well, one woman. And I'm funny. I am like Ellen Degenerous and your husband is like Charlie Sheen.
Hilarious!!! (Note: this is NOT a generic comment)
ReplyDeleteMy wife uses ammonia and bleach to get that kind of stain out. Always together.
ReplyDeleteNever with Pine Sol.
You know, I'm surprised you didn't number your list. So when you drag yourself over to a LadyBlog, you can just type:
ReplyDelete4
Occasionally, add a bonus sincerity indicator.
4++
Also, I remembered where I first heard of LadyBlog. She was LBJ's wife ... she got daffodils planted along the highways around DC. They're blooming right now. If I could find her blog I'd comment.
loved this post, its brilliant! sometimes its hard to comment and you end up saying something really silly like "oh well, i hope tomorrow is better!" might try the thong one in future....
ReplyDeleteWow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them!
ReplyDeleteYou have left every single one of those comments on my blog.
ReplyDeleteOh, this was as good as Mommy of a monster said it was.
ReplyDeleteCame over from you being her monster pick of the week.
You're so good...
How about this kind of comment: "General compliment of your writing skills, followed by a vague reference to something you said. Smiley!"
ReplyDeleteWow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them! But somebody's gotta do it, right? Might as well be you.
ReplyDeleterofl... loved them all and would be honoured to have any of them appear of my blog!
ReplyDeleteHappy your-kid-took-a-crap-on-the-potty Day!!!
ReplyDeleteIn contrast, really the only comment to leave on a Man Blog is, "My God! This blog makes your junk look ENORMOUS."
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow guy blogger, I think your idea is brilliant. I have the same problems finding the right comment to leave on a mommy blog post.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time I shot my husband with a crossbow. He was on the potty. My thoughts are with you. Happy birthday.
ReplyDeleteid still remember to put some gruyere cheese on my food and it taste good
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you...
ReplyDelete