Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How Taco Bell SHOULD respond.

Dear Mr. Dee Miles,

We understand that you have recently brought fourth a class action lawsuit against Taco Bell, Inc. for lack of real beef in our tacos.

First of all, you do realize you are eating at Taco Bell, no?  Simply by entering our fine establishment, you are admitting that you are accepting of crappy food.

Secondly, we can assure you that our meat is 100% real.  We can not promise that it is fresh.  We can not promise that it won't give you diarrhea.  We can not promise that it tastes good.  Heck, we can't even guarantee what kind of animal it comes from.  But this we can promise: it's definitely some sort of meat.

Your frivolous lawsuit has no merit. Remember when Wendys was sued for that human finger in their chilli?  Or when McDonalds was sued for serving their coffee too hot?  Now THOSE were lawsuits with some chutzpah!  I mean please... call us when our soda machine starts dispensing human blood.

Really, suing for a "fake product"?!  No ones suing KFC for their fake mashed potatoes, and I'm fairly sure that Hooters is almost entirely fake.

We look forward to seeing this frivolous lawsuit dropped.

Regards,

Taco Bell, Inc.

53 comments:

  1. TisforTonyaJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:38 PM

    pffffft! it was all funny - but the Hooters bit just about knocked me off my chair. which is impressive, since I'm laying on my couch.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HollyJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:39 PM

    Oh ABE!! You crack me up!! ;p

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kristina P.January 26, 2011 at 9:41 PM

    I wonder if perhaps there is some Soylent Green action going on with Taco Bell.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kate GeisenJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. JamieJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    I'm too tired to be coherent - so I'll keep it short.

    :)


    (short enough?)

    ReplyDelete
  6. MelindaJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    Actually the finger thing with Wendy's WAS fake!! How ironic is THAT?!

    But I agree, everyone's known FOREVER that taco bell's meat is fake. What an idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. CopyboyJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    Yo quiero mula.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LazarusJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    That's a great response but, sadly, we know that Taco Bell won't have the balls to go with something like that. If I were them I'd say: "So, Mr. Plaintiff, you apparently have a beef with our tacos. Well there you have it, there's your beef!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. RachelJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    I can't even tell you which part of your letter was my favorite! LOVE IT!

    Though I must confess that what I find the most disturbing about the whole fiasco is that the remaining 65% contains stuff like "binders" and SOY (yeah, that estrogen-laden stuff that is making boys sterile. EEK!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    I love that you used the word "chutzpah." I agree. For $.49 he expects real meat? What an idiot!
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  11. LourieJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    Most definitely how they should respond. If not them, then perhaps the Judge! haha.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bill LislemanJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    you are so right about Hooters

    ReplyDelete
  13. JanieceJanuary 26, 2011 at 11:36 PM

    hahahhaaaa...
    this is great...
    the only lawsuit that I have heard of is the one of Rep. Dennis Kucinich, the Ohio representative is suing House cafeteria service providers for $150,000 for allegedly selling him a sandwich wrap with a stray olive pit in it.
    HOW MESSED UP IS THAT!
    Thanks for a good laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Pat TillettJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:32 AM

    I'll buy if you fly...
    I want two green bean burritos!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Queenie JeannieJanuary 27, 2011 at 2:00 AM

    Ugh - hate Taco Bell!!! Just plain grody!!!

    And TB said it was beef....there's a lot of *parts* on a cow. Just sayin.

    ReplyDelete
  16. mamahasspokenJanuary 27, 2011 at 5:21 AM

    What do you expect for a 99 cent burrito?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Joann MannixJanuary 27, 2011 at 5:27 AM

    I had the same gut response. We ARE talking Taco Bell, right?

    If they want to win a lawsuit, they might want to think about suing just for the fact alone that pimply faced teenage boys are making their tacos. Now that's a major cash award, right there. No one wants to think about where those hands have been.

    ReplyDelete
  18. UnknownJanuary 27, 2011 at 6:23 AM

    LMAO!! Too bad they won't respond like that though... But you gotta have dreams, right?

    ReplyDelete
  19. TeachinfourthJanuary 27, 2011 at 6:35 AM

    "soda machine starts dispensing human blood..."

    BRILLIANT!

    I also love Taco Bell. There, I said it.

    ReplyDelete
  20. -stephanie-January 27, 2011 at 6:40 AM

    My thoughts exactly!

    ReplyDelete
  21. imbeingheldhostageJanuary 27, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    Hooters--So funny!! Maybe you should consider going into law? We need more judges with your attitude.

    ReplyDelete
  22. ConnieJanuary 27, 2011 at 7:01 AM

    I think the meat is feral animals.
    Great letter!

    ReplyDelete
  23. lifeshighwayJanuary 27, 2011 at 7:15 AM

    Very funny and yet thought provoking, in fact I have been thinking for like a minute!

    After pondering the meat merits of the local Taco Bell and knowing that it is a national chain, I propose the theory of local road kill. In NC that would be squirrel and some times of year deer. All you would have to do is send a crew out third shift. Brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  24. SausageJanuary 27, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    Funny!! I did a post about TB also.
    Cheers, Sausage

    ReplyDelete
  25. PedalingJanuary 27, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    "I mean please... call us when our soda machine starts dispensing human blood."

    in the mean time I'll be enjoying my taco supreme & burrito with green sauce, with an order of gas on the side.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Impulsive AddictJanuary 27, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Taco Hell is baaaaad. Why is it even open? I mean, besides their burritos, they've got nothin' that I want. Oh wait...their nachos bell grande is pretty tasty...minus the onions. Oh and their salsa is pretty good. Oh, and I really like their beef tacos-the ones in question.

    But too much of Taco Hell for me and I have to spend the night in the bathroom. TMI?

    ReplyDelete
  27. MommyLisaJanuary 27, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    OMG HOOTERS! Their wings are GROSS. Also my BIL loves them and is the King of Wings at the Katy Hooters. Katy, TX where everything is bigger. :P

    ReplyDelete
  28. Chris PhillipsJanuary 27, 2011 at 11:56 AM

    That was funny. It's a brilliant lawsuit though. Taco bell will legally have to remedy the problem and basically when they do it will be like admitting fault in their civil suit.

    ReplyDelete
  29. UnknownJanuary 27, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Ah...so well written! ;-)

    I do seriously love the comment regarding hooters though...

    ::snort::

    ReplyDelete
  30. Lisa LooJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:00 PM

    hmmmm..soda machines dispensing blood.....

    off to call my friend who writes for CSI..........

    You my friend...well....this was funny stuff...yes indeedee...

    ReplyDelete
  31. Lisa LooJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    Oh and you killed me with the comment on my post about whistling at the vacuum--strange indeed and worthy of its own video....

    ReplyDelete
  32. Cluttered BrainJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:22 PM

    What no beef? lol.
    Psssh.
    Where's the chinese video?
    Chinese chinese chinese...
    Sorry one track mind over here.
    Over 500 followers and all.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Alex J. CavanaughJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    Hooters is fake?????

    ReplyDelete
  34. LeneJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    No beef at Taco Bell? Well they never claimed to be Wendy's.

    ReplyDelete
  35. mintifreshJanuary 27, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    Wait. There was a chance the meat at Taco Bell was actually real?? Or worth going through the drive thru for?? I wish they would send that email!

    ReplyDelete
  36. eJanuary 27, 2011 at 2:00 PM

    Glad I found you! Totally laughing out loud :)
    ~M

    ReplyDelete
  37. RosieCJanuary 27, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    Haha! So true! I would love to see what someone did if a soda dispenser started spouting blood. Sounds like a bad scene from a bad horror flick.

    ReplyDelete
  38. RosieCJanuary 27, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    PS--Don't suppose you watch Buffy? Season 6 when she's working at the fast food joint? "It's a meat process".

    ReplyDelete
  39. tammyJanuary 27, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    I thought it was a given that you were eating Chihuahua when you ate at Taco Bell.

    ReplyDelete
  40. AnonymousJanuary 27, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    hahahah! Call us when the soda machines start dispensing blood. Too funny, Cheeseboy! Missed your hilariosity.

    ReplyDelete
  41. W.C.CampJanuary 27, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    Beef - you mean there is BEEF in those tacos? They should face a mass tort action ... I always thought it was 100% Mexican Chihuahua.

    ReplyDelete
  42. baygirl32January 27, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    hooters... I'm laughing so hard I can't think of anything else

    ReplyDelete
  43. Powdered Toast ManJanuary 28, 2011 at 3:17 AM

    The beef is 13% Chihuahua

    ReplyDelete
  44. PatJanuary 28, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    Too funny!

    Wait. You mean I can't get a job at Hooters because mine have to be fake? Damn! Wait. I have to be skinny, too? Well, forget about THAT business!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Booyah's MommaJanuary 28, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    Sheesh. If you're going to sue them for something, why pick the meat? I highly doubt there's much real cheese in that nacho sauce... even if it is yummy.

    I don't care if it's real or not. All I know is that they sell delicious, Bel Grande goodness there, and I like it.

    ReplyDelete
  46. AnonymousJanuary 28, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    I will just say ditto to all 45 comments before mine. :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. mCatJanuary 28, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    Laughing at the soda dispenser and human blood.

    I freakin love Taco Bell and it's meat with all it's fillers. And if Rachel is right and its causes boys to go sterile, than all the more reason for us to visit for FHE

    ReplyDelete
  48. EmmyJanuary 28, 2011 at 4:57 PM

    Oh I have been hoping for something like this since seeing your FB status! Too funny. My brother served his mission in the Phillipines-they ate chicken feet and dog.

    ReplyDelete
  49. The Bipolar DivaJanuary 28, 2011 at 5:00 PM

    Here, here! Now bring on the tacos!

    ReplyDelete
  50. UnknownJanuary 28, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Living LifeJanuary 29, 2011 at 7:54 AM

    Great. Now I'm craving Taco Bell. Have not eaten there in years!

    ReplyDelete
  52. LoriJanuary 29, 2011 at 10:57 AM

    Hooters - good one!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Claudya MartinezJanuary 29, 2011 at 8:27 PM

    I do believe that McDonald's got sued for their milk shakes not being made of ice cream.

    Who goes to Taco Bell for the beef?

    ReplyDelete

Please keep comments to a PG-13 rating or lower.