Our records show that it has been 6 months and it is time for a checkup.*
Please call our secretary to set up an appointment.**
We have recently added televisions in our ceilings for your enjoyment.***
We have also updated our dental equipment with the most high-tech technology on the market.****
We look forward to seeing you!*****
And remember… brush up. We’d hate for you to have any cavities! ******
* It has actually been 14 months since your last check up, but who’s counting?
** Scheduled appointments will actually start on average 47 minutes after they are scheduled to begin. At least we are telling you that up front.
*** This will, in no way, stop the dentist from trying to chit-chat with you while you have a suction hose in the back of your throat.
**** It’s all much too complicated for you to understand, so don’t even ask.
***** Could you please try flossing at least more than the hour before you come in? Your breath burnt through our dental hygienist’s mask the last time you were in.
****** We look forward to finding cavities and taking your money.
LOVE IT! Completely and totally true!
ReplyDeleteVery true. Oh, and seriously, does someone NOT brush their teeth immediately before going to the dentist??
ReplyDeletehate. H.A.T.E. the dentist.
ReplyDeleteI recently changed dentists because it felt like I was sitting in the office of a car salesman...
ReplyDeleteI've been hiding from my dentist and she sends me cards asking if she did something wrong. I want to tell her that I'm just not that into her, but any little attention makes her more persistent.
ReplyDeleteWhy DO they ask questions the instant they shove something in your mouth?
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it!
ReplyDeleteSo it's unviversal Dentists appear to be over priced and the good ones never have room for new patients. They all insist on talking to you as you've mentioned whilst your mouth is packed with cotton will "round thngs" and they expect you to answer! I too hate the dentist. I still go but with extreme trepedation. Brought on by a dentist that injected the wrong side of my mouth, laughed and happily went on to inject a futher six times into the rightside of my mouth. Ever sine then I've been more than a little fearful
ReplyDeleteToo funny!!!!! My daughter made them leave the room to talk to me in private for a moment at her last visit. She says "Mom, he has very bad breath, I know he's a Dentist and should know this already, but do you think I should tell him?" I wanted to say yes,, but didn't...sigh
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAA!!! I just got back from the dentist for a ROOT CANAL argh. I sat down to check my google reader and here I read the perfect post. lol
ReplyDeleteburned through the hygenists mask last time... love it
ReplyDeleteThis makes me miss my dentist that had TV on the ceilings. And by a TV, I mean fingerpaintings.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious. My cousin is a dental hygenist and she has had some people come in who haven't brushed their teeth for more than a few days. One was so bad she had to send him to the bathroom to brush and floss before she could begin...yuck!
ReplyDeleteFunny that you'd blog about the dentist since this is where my husband is right now! Poor guy, he's getting a crown! Yuck!
ReplyDeleteThey probably wouldn't be nearly as 'popular' if they really called it just like it really is on their reminder cards...
ReplyDeleteI love this post. All that new equipment that shows microscopic cavities from a possible future...
ReplyDeleteOne child had 9 cavities, one had 6, I hid the rest of my children in the basement. Then we had an insurance change and had to switch dentists before the cavities were filled.
At the new dentist we had only 3 cavities between the two.
haha i went to the dentist just the other day and wondered why they always ask questions that you cant answer.
ReplyDeletea yes or no question is fine, but when you ask me what im doing for the weekend??
too funny.. we were just there today for all three kids... and I am pretty sure... I overheard them giggling in the back about taking more money!!! =)
ReplyDeleteUGH! Please don't remind me of that place! I hyperventilated so badly one time while I was in The Chair, that the dentist had to stop and let me sit up. She even gave me a paper bag to breathe in to.
ReplyDeleteNot fond of dentists much.
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ReplyDelete(I hate it when I have a typo)....
ReplyDeleteHey! You speak Dentist-a-nese! At last, a translator!
I used to be a dental assistant and I can tell you this is only half of what we're really thinking and saying amongst ourselves. Some time I'll fill you in on the rest.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, we can totally understand you while you're talking with your mouth full.
Thanks for reminding me that I have to schedule my check-up. And thanks for telling it like it is.
ReplyDeleteHow bout...*****We look forward to finding something wrong with your teeth, so that we can fix them for a fee that insurance does not cover!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of having all my teeth removed and getting some cool dentures. Pop them out, drop them in a glass at bedtime......wake up, pop them back in and you're ready for the day. Best of all, No More Cavities!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are killing me. I need to schedule a dental appointment and have been putting it off. Now I'm going to push it back even more I think! ;-D
ReplyDeleteSo true! My hubby always says it's a good idea to eat oreos and cheetos right before going to the dentist to give them a real challenge!
ReplyDeleteNicely done and very accurate!!! Someday, some dentist somewhere will figure out the concept of time management.
ReplyDeleteHa! I love it!!! (probably because my six month visit isn't due until August....so I can forget it right now!)
ReplyDeleteDude, i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years! YOU CAN"T MAKE ME DO IT!!! Sorry, a little anxiety there...
ReplyDeleteUmmmm I don't know what your problem is. I actually love my dentist. He is on time. They don't double book. They do have TV's, 80's music AND a massage chair. I actually encourage cavities in my kids so I can go.
ReplyDeleteOh, I love this post. Genius. I would also have added something about the fantastic drugs that will be available... as strong as street drugs but perfectly legal in the wake of, and during these procedures. That's motivation!!
ReplyDeleteBeen there ... many times sadly! TV's in the ceiling???? Gee I was thrilled last year when the dentist got rid of his roll-up pack of 'Marathon Man' torture devices last year. W.C.C.
ReplyDeleteHey, I just got one of these today. It wasn't nearly as honest, though.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
xoRobyn
Hehe... Dentists.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been to a dentist in at least 5 years now, and I'm not dead yet.
The whole dental industry is a scam.
Oh man. I have to go and get a cavity filled and I have been putting it off :-(
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder.
finally some honesty
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious. I and Mr. Dentist have a great relationship. He Hates Me and I Hate Him.
ReplyDeleteToodles...
My dentist has vibrating chairs, like you find at the spa. Takes out the pain of going just a little bit....
ReplyDeletemy hygienist has taken to calling me every other week, wondering when I'm gonna schedule a cleaning. I'm wondering if they are really that hard up for work??
ReplyDeletemy hygienist has taken to calling me every other week, wondering when I'm gonna schedule a cleaning. I'm wondering if they are really that hard up for work??
ReplyDeleteI'm comment #42, so you probably won't even read this...but you forgot to say:
ReplyDelete"We are going to do flouride today without telling you even though we did it last time and your insurance only pays for it once a year...we'll just bill you later."
My husband is a rabid anti-Dentite. Which is funny, because my brother is in dental school. That will make for fun family gatherings.
SHUDDERING! I hate the dentist!
ReplyDeleteNow that is a dentist I would go to, one who is completely honest about how they are going to rob and plunder you.
ReplyDelete*snickersnort* I love it! Oh, dental euphemisms... And you didn't even GET TO the ones you get in the chair!
ReplyDeleteUgh! Hate dentists!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you're not going to hear or see the television while the dentist and his hygenist have all 4 hands in your mouth and hanging over you so the only thing you can see is the dentist's nose hair and the smeared mascara on the hygenist.
ReplyDeleteBoy you nailed this one Cheeseboy.
ReplyDeleteThe whole Dentist experience in itself is horrible, you would think that they would do anything to make you comfortable.
The lady who waited on me at the last dentist I went to, had meth head rotten teeth. Awful, I just thought, only in Mississippi.
This is great, and oh so true! I hate the dentist, and this is definitely part of the reason why (this part being hilarious...the other part being pain, not so hilarious :D)
ReplyDeleteI love when people start flossing a day or two before their appointment and hope the dentist won't notice they haven't been doing it all along...
ReplyDeleteAhh soo true. I am not a fan of the dentist at all. However, I am a fan of the ceiling tvs. They give me something to focus on while the dentist does extremely uncomfortable and sometimes painful things to my mouth.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDelete