Now, this is a birthday pickle to be sure.

It's my birthday today and I haven't a thing to wear.

I mean, really I could just wear the jeans and tee shirt I have on right now, but come on - this is a special day and I really should throw something on a little more formal.

Is it too late in the season to wear a mink coat? It is rather stormy outside and I haven't worn my mink since the spray painting incident of '07.

Fortunately, it was Crayola washable spray paint. Those punk kids were too stupid to look at the label.

Maybe I'll wear my cowboy boots and a fedora hat. Unfortunately, my fedora is still dimpled from that fight I got in at that Clay Aiken concert.

Now, I didn't have a choice; that dude was changing the lyrics. "If I were not invisa-crappy"?! That doesn't even rhyme. Plus, if you don't like him, why did you come to his concert?

"AIKEN, YOU SUCK!" was the last straw.

Stupid bozo dimpled my fedora. It's okay - I totally wrinkled his vintage Harley Davidson tee shirt.

I could wear my Goatlord Death Metal leather jacket, but I get so sweaty and my it always smears my temporary tattoos.

Perhaps I will show off my chest hair a bit and wear my shirt unbuttoned. Just the top two, I don't want to throw the women into a tizzy. It might get a little frightening, I measured one of my chest hairs at 8 inches yesterday.

Hasselhoff wishes he had an 8 inch long chest hair.

I am in such a quandary as all of my ideas seem to be good ones. It is my birthday, and I would like to look nice.

Perhaps you could help? What should I wear to How To Train A Dragon tonight? I'd really like to make a splash at the theater for my birthday.